Thanks for the laughs, Natalia! I needed them today!
A Really BIG KISS
!
ChessPaladin2009
Vladimir Kramnik Facts (Humor)
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Natalia, you are the sweetest chess player in the world. 
27. The underlying code for the Rybka engine was inspired by sacred scrawlings on a certain bathroom wall.
28. For analyzing Kramnik's chess games. They created a new science discipline. They call it Kramnikology.
29. Unless Kramnik decides otherwise, chess may never be solved.
May 12, 2011
0
#9
Rikeil wrote:
27. The undelying code for the Rybka engine was inspired by sacred scrawlings on a certain bathroom wall.
This is epic!
30. Deep Blue was actually disassembled so quickly because Kramnik had offered it knight's odds and IBM feared embarrassment.
31. Kramnik has a secret identity with which he moonlights as a stand-up comedian:
http://www.chess.com/forum/view/fun-with-chess/kramniks-double-life
33. One evening, Ruy Lopez and Kramnik sat in the garden to play a game. The sun, when it realized whose eyes it was shining in, swung around to the east, in deference.
These are hilarious! :)
May 12, 2011
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#14
36. Bobby Fischer once said he would draw against God with white, but the match never occured. Kramnik however really did once play against God with white. 1-0
May 12, 2011
0
#15
Steinar wrote:
35. Kramnik never offers a draw, he claims one - seeing as there is no higher authority on the subject. He may, however, offer you a resignation.
Exactly!
May 12, 2011
0
#16
43. When players sacrifice material against Kramnik, they don't do it to win, they do it to show their faith in Him.
May 12, 2011
0
#17
ReasonableDoubt wrote:
39. The reason photography was invented was to stop people from being upset that they couldn't draw as well as Kramnik.
40. Beef jerky is dried out by putting it on a board that Kramnik is playing on.
41. I'm amazed that Kramnik is married - I didn't think women liked people who do horrible things to KIDs.
42. Kramnik's next feat will be to single-handedly knock down the Great Wall of China for attempting to be more solid than his chess is.
Unbelievably smart word play! Amazing.
44. Charlie Sheen was asked what Kramnik's style was, he responded "Duh, winning."
44. Kramnik's drawing skills are so great, he caused Pablo Picasso to faint.
Many people know a lot of humorous facts about Chuck Norris and other celebrities, but what about Vladimir Kramnik? Here are a few humorous "facts":
1) There are two types of positions in chess: those that Vladimir Kramnik remembers, or those which he has forgotten.
2) Slyusarchuk wanted to register his record of remembering 30 million digits of pi with the Guiness book, but then he found out about Kramnik's existence.
3) During school years teachers of literature didn't ask Vova Kramnik to recite poems by heart.
4) Anatoly Karpov launched a new elite chess set. It features leading grandmasters as pieces, while the king is Vladimir Kramnik.
5) Kramnik didn't lose his match to Anand. He was just checking if Vishy can convert such positions.
6) Russia is working on a new super computer with an exceptional hard drive since no other machine can store Kramnik's analyses.
7) New doping issue: kramnidii has been banned. This substance allows one to memorize 100 pages of chess lines with just one glance. The only person who is not invited for doping control is Vladimir Kramnik, as this substance is created in his organism by natural means.
8) Houdini managed to beat Rybka after studying Vladimir Kramnik's games.
9) When Kramnik isn't playing in tournaments, he is busy dictating the next set of tablebases.
10) To deal with the draw death of chess FIDE introduced a new rule: players with the surname Kramnik have to give a pawn and a move in advance to their opponents.
11) When Botvinnik was recruiting new students for his school, he asked Vova Kramnik if he can recall the move he made in the masters tournament in the 20's. Kramnik smiled and called out not only to move, but recited the games played on other boards as well.
12) Magnus Carlsen is so popular in Norway he even got an invite to the "Who wants to be Vladimir Kramnik" TV-show.
13) Kramnik was paid a huge sum by IBM when they launched the Watson computer. Otherwise he threatened to start playing Jeopardy and ruin their plans.
14) There are two types of moves in chess: chosen by Vladimir Kramnik and inferior.
15) When Kramnik said during a press conference that he FORGOT the accident that occured in his game vs Ponomariov (when the clock stopped), the public couldn't stop laughing for quite a time.
16) Kramnik was elected to be the spokesperson for Blancpain since he knows how to stop time. Radjabov became a victim of this recently.
17) The World Chess Boxing Championship is held only because Kramnik is not interested so far.
18) Hot-tempered Kasparov fired Kramnik (who used to be his second) since he often made fun of his moves during sparring games.
19) Danailov once won a game against Kramnik. Then he woke up.
20) Kramnik knows all the theory not only in classical chess, but also in Fischer's.
21) When Kramnik was invited to the Amber blindfold event for the first time, he couldn't understand what the difference was.
22) Manufacturers of top chess engines stopped asking Kramnik to comment on the games as he gives ? marks too often when analysing their play.
23) Once the public thought Kramnik has overlooked a tricky win in 37 plies. "Ok, I will give a mate in 57, and you will be sitting and staring at this like idiots" - thought Kramnik.
24) Even God is afraid of playing Kramnik. The games always end in a draw, but Kramnik still knows how to put pressure on the opponent.
25) Few people know why Fischer didn't come back, and Kasparov left chess. But you do now, don't you?
Feel free to create your own ones and leave them in the comments!