Falling Stars #2: @EOGuel
The apparent success of the first article in this series has inspired me to find more people that would like their work critiqued. Surprisingly, this was not hard, in fact, right after my first article was posted, I noticed the following:
Getting someone that wants to be criticized is especially good, because then they can’t claim that they didn’t want me to do this. Thanks EOGuel!
Also, because there aren’t many dedicated bloggers on this website, the series will likely transform into a self-help, and advice on real life instead of just a person’s writing. In the future, if this series continues, I’ll be giving life advice and be making fun of not just your chess, but your personality, craziness, and whatever is wrong with you.
With that all said, let’s get out of the italics!
Welcome, chess.com friends. Today I’m proud to present to you yet another falling star, @EOGuel. Since this is a new series, you might still wonder what it is about. Specifically, what is a falling star?
This is a good question. So that parents will continue to let their kids read this content, I will take time to educate you on my interpretation of what a “falling star” is, and how I arrived to it from its initial meaning.
According to Wikipedia, the source all modern-day kids were brought up with, a falling star is:
”The common name for the visible path of a meteoroid as it enters the atmosphere to become a meteor. A falling star that survives passage through the atmosphere and reaches the Earth's surface is called a meteorite.”
Wait a minute, that doesn’t relate to either EOGuel or Chesster3145. We must find a better way to define this.
Maybe, by using the words falling and star separately!
Falling: “move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control, from a higher to a lower level.”
Star: “a famous or exceptionally talented performer in the world of entertainment or sports.”
So, essentially, this series will be covering people who were once great and talented, but now, are becoming less so.
And if there’s one person I could list as a falling star off the top of my mind, it would be EOGuel.
Not only is he a falling star, but he feels like he has the power to insult me as well, right after I thought he was a nice person:
And even worse, he bragged about it:
Clearly, this is a fellow that I hope no one encounters in their daily life. Fortunately, this blog will warn you of what to expect should you be unfortunate enough to ever encounter such a fool.
As @chesster3145 taught us, the best way to criticize someone is not to insult them personally, but rather, through their writing. While I might have already failed in that, I can still try to return to the right path, and explain to you guys why he shouldn’t be a top blogger, and why RAR’s hatred toward him is deserved.
However, being that I’ve gotten more requests from others about who to make a Falling Stars article on next, and my main goal is just to get reads and fame, I cannot review all of EOGuel’s forums and articles. That would simply take too long. There are so many mistakes in all of them; I might not be able to complete a single homework assignment for the next month if I became dedicated to doing this.
So I’ll look at his 3 most recent postings. One of the them was a forum, and two were blogs. All three of them were bad. The writing style, usage of words, and terrible humor just makes this a pain to read, and that can be seen by the comments in each of those forums. I didn’t even post these comments!
Even his comments aren’t really good:
Let’s start with this problem, pun intended, which showcases a problem many people have. EOGuel loves to state the obvious. In fact, the name of the forum is even awful. “Have you ever seen the same tactic twice”? For one, of course, everyone has. If you haven’t, you aren’t a chess player. The problem is, he thinks that he is special by seeing the same tactic twice, but in reality, he’s just like the rest of us, ordinary chess players who continue to have no idea what we’re doing. The forum is unengaging (don’t bother looking that one up), not useful to my life in any way whatsoever, and nearly insulting.
Notice, that post was extremely short. It was a 24 word post, but so bad I wrote over a hundred words to condemn it. Generally, reviewing content should take less words than the content itself, you'd think.
You can imagine my horror when both of his recent blogs are over 100 words long. 
Luckily, I’ve got other things to do, so I can’t review them as much in depth. Still, I can explain the problems with EOGuel, and since you show yourself through your writing, we might also detect his personality flaws as well.
First up, is this terrible post, "Breakfast: When it matters"
As I explained earlier, EOGuel does not know how to come up with interesting titles, which is a grave error. If people don’t read your stuff because of a bad title, you won’t get anywhere, you won’t get any students or recognition, anything!
The featured picture for that blog also shows that EOGuel is not a person you want to be hanging around with. 
His main problem here is the excessive usage of punctuation. It is a 12 sentence post (yes, that is bad enough), but there are 8 exclamation points! And 3 question marks! I mean seriously! How are people going to take your writing seriously when all you do is use “!” And “?” ? I mean, this is another unforgivable writing error, not that there are any excusable ones. The problem he posted was certainly not very special either. 
I’m not sure what the problem has to do with either breakfast, when it matters, or hitting people, but as he notes, clearly 1.Re3 is best. His job as a blogger is to educate us (as I’m doing write now, [haha, good pun]), and he is simply posting the obvious. It is like someone posting the position after 1.f4 e6 2.g4 and making a blog about it. You seriously couldn’t come up with better content?
I wish it ended there. Not for his sake, but mine. But no, no, no, EOGuel just HAD to keep messing up...
By this point you may be tired of this. Believe me, I am too. Join Classic RAR to do Joseph's articles and famous blogs and videos for him!)
This blog is part of a series called "Learn from the Masters". Again, a boring and misleading title. I mean, EOGuel is the one trying to educate you, and he isn't even 1800! Maybe he is a self-proclaimed master, like this person, but he certainly doesn't fit my definition of master.
In the sake of keeping the present mood, I will not cite the ridiculous first paragraph of that article, or any of it.
Basically, this article talks about how great Emanuel Lasker is, and the comment earlier shows that it only uses one game! How lazy of EOGuel, he just couldn't put any extra effort in there, could he?
The actual article is quite perturbing as well. "[Emanuel Lasker] got a Ph.D. in mathematics! Imagine any current top player achieving such academic prestige!"
Lots of comments to make on that. For one, he is implying that top players are not good at math, when it reality, they are better than him. He bolded the words above, and since writing shows your personality, it is clear that EOGuel is bad at math since he's so impressed by one of the thousands of people with a Ph.D in math. And also, don't be impressed by someone that spends years learning about math. Higher math is impractical, not applicable to society, and does nothing for humanity as a whole. In fact, Lasker should be condemned as being part of the math bureaucracy that requires kids to cheat in order to pass the near-impossible classes! More on that here.
The last sentence also shows that EOGuel might not be writing his own articles. "@EOGuel signing off" is the last sentence. This implies that a computer is writing this, and notices that EOGuel signed off, and decided to take a note of that. Likely it is not EOGuel that wrote this, but rather AI, which as we know will take over the world in the coming years.
That's all I'm going to say. I checked all of EOGuel's content, and could write another 13 "Falling Stars" articles on him, and will most certainly do so, but only once I have gotten every other submission finished.
Here's the current list of "Falling Stars":
@RookSacrifice (Quit tournament chess)
@logozar (Lost to me on lichess recently)
@DKBRAO (hasn't played tournament chess in a while)
@WinorlosejustRAR (Thinks that RAR can lose)
@Reepicheep14 (He wanted to be a falling star, so he is one)
@erik (Suggested by Reepicheep14)
@MGleason (Surprisingly hurtful comments)
I will randomly chose one of these players for my next falling stars article, and you guys can join the falling stars or recommend one in the comments below, or by notifying me by PM (public message).
That's all for today, and be sure to Join Classic RAR!
Joseph Truelson
Disclosure: This is not a parody, although it is entirely possible that due to feedback and extensive review that this blog will be edited in a way to favor RAR and its affiliates.
Edited 15:37 PST, 4/26/18: @MGleason added to the list of falling Stars for his disrespect in the comments section below
Edited 10:03 PST, 4/27/10: Select grammatical errors
