Chess Jokes or Any Jokes

Let's start a new forum topic. This one is for fun. Let me start:

Q. Why can't Episcopalians play Chess?
A. They don't know the difference between a Bishop and a Queen...

Go figure!

Anyways, the jokes are not limited to chess, because most of you have probably heard all those chess jokes. There is a simple rule. Before you post a joke, you have to rate the last joke a ala youtube, where 5 stars is the highest rating.

5 stars - ROFL (rolls on the floor laughing)

4 stars - LOL

3 stars - hehe

2 stars - uhh uhh

1 star - I don't get it. I'm supposed to laugh?

This is supposedly the first blonde guy joke. Some of you have probably heard of it. Anyway, it goes something like this.

A Mexican, a black dude and a blonde guy were working on a building construction. The three work on the rooftop of the building. During lunchtime, the Mexican opened his lunchbox and upon seeing his lunch... "Burrito again! If I have another burrito, I'll kill myself!" The brother opened his lunchbox and went, "Fried chicken! If I eat another fried chicken, I'll kill myself!!" The blonde guy did the same thing and opened a, "Ham sandwich! If I eat another ham sandwich, I'll kill myself!!

The next day, the three gathered again for lunch. Upon seeing the burrito, the Mexican jumped from the rooftop and killed himself. The black dude carefully opened his and found a fried chicken. He then ran and jumped to his death. The blonde guy nervously opened his lunch and saw the ham sandwich. He also jumped to his death. At their memorial service, the Mexican wife was crying. "If I had known that Jose was so tired of the burrito, I'd have given him anything that he wanted." The wife of the black dude was hysterical, "Malik, why didn't you tell me you hated fried chicken!!" The blonde girl wife of the blonde guy just shrugged her shoulders, "Don't look at me, the stupid guy prepared his own lunch!!"

Oh, I give the starter joke a giant, huge star! I'm sorry... I'm clueless!! Hihihihi

My friend went to Hawaii for a vacation with one of his best buddies. They go into a massage parlor. As my friend was getting his massage, the beautiful blonde masseuse asked him "do you want a blowjob?" He was not so surprised and asked: "How much?" "200 dollars", the blonde replied. He was surprised and retorted "200 BUCKS!" He thought a little while and then said "That's a bit much. No thanks." Just as he said that, into the room comes his friend running. He shouts, in an obvious hurry, "HEY DUDE, Let me borrow 200 bucks!"

Iskuba - 4 stars

Radcat - 3 stars

I got to explain my joke. hehe...Episcopalians allow gay priests...Got it now? :)

Hahahaha... I give it 4 stars then, Sugarashvili!!!

@ 1ST It's a 1 Star ... NOW it's 6 STARS !!!  

I have so many jokes but I forgot all of them. I will think if I can remember even one joke. Or maybe my jokes are on my files. Think, think, think...

Trivia ...

and one poster answered ...

[quote="Art Garcia"] Based on the photos above... To differentiate a chess game played by women, they should rename it "CHEST". :)[/quote]

wanna play ... "CHEST" ???

read more:

+ + + PROJECT 2700: GM Wesley So PHI + + +

http://forum.philboxing.com/viewtopic.php?p=3586773#p3586773

This made me laugh ...

Mikhail Tal was so intimidating in those years that he made seasoned Grandmaster opponents shudder with fear.

A case in point is a game played between GM Tal (as Black) and Hungarian GM Pal Benko (as White) at the Interzonal Tournament in Belgrade, Yugoslavia, 1959.

This was the third cycle (the first two were played in Bled and Zagreb, respectively), and Benko was starting to think that Tal had been hypnotizing him due to his poor record against him so far.

So Benko took with him sunglasses and wore them while at the chessboard. But Tal, who had heard of Benko's plan to wear sunglasses before the game started, borrowed enormous dark glasses from GM Petrosian.

When Tal put on these ridiculously enormous glasses, not only did the spectators laugh, but other participants in the tournament did, as did the tournament controllers, and finally even Benko himself laughed. But unlike Tal, Benko did not remove his glasses until the 20th move when his position was hopeless.

>>> http://www.bobby-fischer.net/Mikhail_Tal.htm

Chest! Bwa hahaha - 5 stars the maximum

A mouse whispered something to an elephant. This shocked the elephant and he fainted and dropped almost dead. What's the shocker? "I'm pregnant" whispered the mouse and "you are the daddy!" The following day, they went to the doctor for check-up to verify the shocking revelation. After the check-up, the elephant whispered something to the mouse that terribly shocked the mouse. She fainted and dropped down almost lifeless. What's the shocker?  "Yes you are pregnant" whispered the elephant to the terrified mouse. "They are twins and they look like me!"

oK. The next guy who post the joke should remember the rule.

Rate the last joke a la youtube.

@ joeyj  5stars (mikhail tal)!             5stars (trivia)!

My next joke is addressed to Artoo...

What is the "Star Wars" move in chess?

Rook to d1? Hihihihi

R to d2 (Artoo Ditoo) ...hihih

Hehehe... 1/2 star to Sugarashville.

In my brief sojourns, I usually take LRT for a ride (hehe.. wala kasi ako car). One time a couple going northbound had this conversation.

Woman: Baba na tayo sa next station. (UN station)

Man: (Looking down) Malayo pa Luneta. Dun tayo bumaba sa Luneta.

So after UN station, the train proceeded to its trip. Passing by the Rizal Park, the man notice that there was no station for them to alight. In explanatory mood, the man said to his companion, "Dun nalang tayo sa next station bumaba."

Woman (irritably dejected): Ewan ko sa 'yo. Tanga! Bobo!

Man: 'Wag moko pinapahiya sa harap ng maraming tao. Mas matalino ako sa yo! Hindi ka nga marunong ng multiplication at division!

And their exchange of expletives rages on until they alighted from the train. As they were heading for the exit door, Somebody from the hordes of passenger shouted, "Ambot sa Imo!" This made everyone in the crowd  LOL.

5 stars for Karjapov because of the originality...

-----

MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang; kung
nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang. Bale
total ay 56 sweetheart.

3 1/2 stars for correct addition!

Husband is sniffing wife.

Neck: Hmmm.... amoy melon.

Chest: Hmmm.... amoy melon.

Belly: Hmmm.... amoy melon.

A bit lower: Hmmmpqrgh... MELON AMOY!!

Iskuba 3 stars ka lang. Ph care lang yan..hehe

O walang maasar, ah...