Nobody knows?
anti-computer openings

Why would you want to learn an anti-computer strategy? People play against computers to improve their game for when they play other people. How will learning an anti-computer opening do that?
Because I want to beat the computer. I'm fed up with that damn bunch of software code beating me everytime.

a computer will always outcalculate you so i would recommend playing positional rather than tactical chess. try to keep the position closed and formulate a good plan.

It still isn't obvious. How will beating the computer bring you satisfaction? All I can see is how that spending ages attempting to will bring you frustration.

here's the nakamura vs rybka game FirebrandX was talking about
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k4V_LJTvqM
as will see this is not good practice for OTB so enjoy naka's technique but don't try this at home!

computer can't be defeated with standard openings..........(like ruy lopez, sicilian, QG and its variants etc) ....and computers won't miss any tactic at all........... so the only way is to use long strategy.......1) Avoid exchanges, 2) make the position closed....

just play something like f3, g3 Bg2, and just stay on...................... defeating a program won't benefit you anything.............just play many games with it with standard openings with time control more than 30 min and try to avoid making mistakes

There are two types of anti computer strategies in the opening. One is to chain-lock the pawns and run it out of time (or wait for a 50-move desparate sac that it might be set to make). Some years ago Hikaru Nakamura would play online blitz against computers and attempt to set this up using a hippo formation. He'd get crushed dozens of times, but eventually he'd get a game going where the computer fell into a locked pawn chain. Because the operator of the computer had set the contempt factor to avoid drawing at all costs, the computer engine would see the 50-move draw coming and intentionally blunder-sac a piece just to prevent it. Nakamura would then win easily from there.
Then there's the other strategy of playing an opening that the computer can't figure out and will not understand what's going on until it's too late (even with hours of analysis) The closest I've ever found to this would be the main line King's Indian Defense. This is provided you can get the computer to play the line as it may be programmed to variate with other move choices, but here's an example:
But of course, this kind of anti-computer strategy is more appropriate for correspondence chess than it is OTB. It's very complex, which is why even top programs like Houdini are clueless how to handle it from the white side.
I would suggest trying the hippo formation that Nakamura used. You can do a search either here or on Google about the hippo formation in chess.
Is not that game in Chess Mentor?

No matter how hard I try, I can't open a can with my can opener as fast as an electric can opener will do it...clearly this is something I need to spend my entire life rectifying... ;)

Google "anti-computer tactics" and "chess". Wikipedia has an article on this topic. I have done very well against Stockfish playing white with the standard Bongcloud opening of (1. e4, e5 2. Ke2 ...) where e5 can be replaced with almost any other move by black. But, you have to be careful and set up a little defensive pawn house perimeter around the king, and then maybe move your white king again at an opportune time for the sake of deception or surprise. I can sense the engine is confused and not as confident as normal. I also like to play (1. e3 [any black move] 2. Ke2 ...) which I call the mini-Bongcloud or the mini-Bong attack. It's not only good as an anti-computer tactic, but it's a fantastic opening to use against a human opponent for psychological reasons. Your opponent may feel angry or disrespected or surprised that you are not playing some standard opening for which they are well prepared. You are half way to winning when you irritate your opponent this way.
What will beating the computer achieve?
Thank you for letting everyone know how horrendous your lack of understanding is. Mentally inferior brain ig
Beating the computer is as valid a pursuit as anything else. People play single-player videogames, why not try to see if you can beat the computer?
One of the things you always want to avoid against a computer is a wide-open position with lots of tactics, as it takes milliseconds for the computer all those tactics.
Something that often works is a sacrifice that gives a huge positional advantage, because it will often discount that early on. Similiarly something like exchanging a rook for having a really good bishop and a pawn in a great positional advantage. You could try to win in a positional way by itself of course, but these dramatic things often work the best.
I'd suggest you should probably use an old computer, like chessmaster on the SNES. They program chess AI differently now, even if they make the AI weak it plays a lot differently to how a computer would before because they tend to try to make it more human. So they'll have a computer that misses basic tactics sometimes. But then that ruins the strategy of playing against a computer and ironically makes it worse to play against for me. Why do they want to make it more human when you can already play humans all you want? They don't even succeed at making it seem human anyway.
Please suggest some good anti-computer openings for white. Generally when I play against stockfish I find that it plays the Nimzowitsch defence as black which runs into lot of tactical difficulties after e4 and d4. I find that the computer always likes to open up the position and launch attacks fast. So I would like to know some slow openings as white which preferably don't involve a central pawn push and which don't offer the computer any easy targets to attack. Please provide atleast the first 5-10 moves and also the general theme and idea behind the opening. Any suggestions are welcome.