Bongcloud Opening Theory

I've currently been experimenting with the infamous Bongcloud attack, 1.e4 e5 2. Ke2. The Bongcloud phemenon has been raging for quite some time, and from what I have seen in both my games and the games of others, these are the most common responses:

THe Classical Bongcloud: 1. e4 e5 2.Ke2 Nf6

Scandinavian: 1. e4 e5 2.Ke2 d5

Alapin: 1. e4 e5 2.Ke2 Ne7

Reversed Parham: 1. e4 e5 2.Ke2 Qh4!?

Reversed King's Gambit: 1. e4 e5 2.Ke2 f5

What are white's best responses? I have already developed a weapon against the Alapin which I dub the "Heerero Bind"

Yet however, White must deal with the other black responses.

Souldn't the king's own pawns kill their monarch?

I used a similar opening. Ive reached 1700-1800 in bullet and blitz. the structure  i used is e4-ke2-d3-f3. This helps me develop my defensive techniks.  I do not know if this is bongcloud

You do know this is also light-hearted, right?

From the ending board position:

7...Bg4 and if 8h3 Nd4+ etc.  If white tries to prevent ...Nd4+ by playing 8 Be3 first, black has 8....Ng6 9h3 Qh4.

Goofy is as goofy does.

yes i too have been experimenting with the bong cloud after watching a few of hikaru games and noting them down

and bumping threads that are older than my younger brother

no u

Already done 10+ years ago , cf. here:

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/chess-openings/bongcloud-opening-book

that's not the bongcloud, bongcloud i e4 king e2. any other moves is the barnes opening

I've come up with a counter to the Scandinavian - specifically the Vowles Variation (L25) that works against check-happy players. I'm calling it the "Acid Trip Trap".