Chess Limericks

Here are some limericks about chess that I have thought up.

Perhaps you admire E. Lasker?

Or maybe another chess master?

Morphy or Karpov?

Tal or Kasparov?

Who is your favorite grandmaster?

Which opening do you like most?

King's pawn or queen's pawn or both?

The English or Ware?

It's fun to compare!

With openings, there's a whole host!

Some moves are strong and dynamic,

And can cause your opponent to panic.

But some moves are bad

And really quite sad

And the results can be titanic.

Oh to watch the attacks in their priming,

Crescendos of tactics and timing.

There's strategy too

And no person slew

Many foes without some refining.

Defense like attack is essential

For attacks can be very torrential.

You need a place to

Fall back and regroup

And try to build up some potential.

I was playing against a grandmaster.

Like blitz it got ever faster

I tried to checkmate

but I was too late

And my loss was a complete disaster

I thought it was won when I took

the h7 pawn with my Rook

but I hadn't seen

he could capture my queen

that'll teach me to stay in the book

http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Lab/7378/limer.htm

Attacks need careful construction

To cause a lot of destruction.

Whether fast or slow,

Sly or gun-ho,

They require attentive instruction.

A guy in a match in Shanghai,

Decided that he'd play the Ruy.

He calmly developed

His light f1 bishop

And hung his queen high and dry.

To be a master in the game of chess

You must develop your attack prowess.

Also work on defense.

To recompense

In case you blunder and get in a mess.

I thought I had won when I sacked

My queen to attack from the back.

But I didn't see

His knight on f3

And was met with a crushing takeback.

There once was a man from Nantucket,

Who ate chess pieces from a bucket.

His hunger, he'd slake

Till his pawn reached rank eight,

'Stead of grabbing a queen ... he'd upchuck it.

NIce DrawMaster

I once played a game with a master
I moved quickly, but he played much faster
I soon left the book
And he skewered my rook
An unmitigated disaster

There once was a man from Queen

Who was very cocky and mean.

When the rooks came to play,

He'd chase them away

And one day he thought he'd been seen.

He looked nervously over his shoulder

And thought that behind a large boulder

He saw a pawn's head

But it turned out instead

It was an angry stick holder.

The knight repeatedly beat

The man on his head, back, and seat.

He finally quit

And took his stick

And left the man in a heap.

The man packed up and left town

Terrified by that beat down.

He took everything

And returned to Queen

Where he could push folks around.

My brother's chess set really stinks

Missing pieces, warped squares from spilled drinks

A black pawn's a chapstick

But here's the real slapstick

A white knight's his kids' Jar-Jar Binks

Ha ha.

I found a chess site on the net
I tried to resist it, but yet,
The wife said she'd leave
If I took no reprieve
but she's yet to live up to the threat

He he.  Good TheGrobe.

I once played against Kasparov

Tal, Morphy, and Karpov

I have no time portal

Nor am I immortal,

Tis in a dream that I speak of!

I once played a guy named Bank.

I mated him on the back rank.

I saw him storm out

And thought he'd pout

But instead he broke my gas tank!

A man was looking for action

So he joined an infamous faction

Of Brigands and thieves

Fed off of by fleas

And died by disease contraction.

A news reporter goes to the scene of a boat crash.  After he finishes gathering information, he reports it on the news later that night.

The daughters lost their gold lockets.

They say that they fell from their pockets.

But their father, Sir Brooks

Was met by two hooks

That ripped his eyes from their sockets.