frustrations during online play

Hi,

I am new to the forum, so apologies if this topic had been discussed before, but I've felt now is the time to ask opinions and see whether I can improve my situation.

I am a member of chess.com for a couple of months, and had a different username before for about a year. I usually play 5 0, 3 2 and 3 0 games, mainly because I only have limited time to play daily. I first quitted online chess in January, because of the following:

- It really started to bother me that 95% of my opponents never wanted to play rematches. It doesn't matter whether I win because I played good, or lost because I played terrible, or simply had tremendous amount of luck/bad luck due to blunders, my opponents left the chat room immediately. I usually type 'gg' or something after a game, and appreciate when someone replies at least a 'gg' or 'thx', because it shows sportmanship, but this is kind of nonexistent here.

- It also started to bother me that most players didn't resign in obviously lost positions or didn't accept my draw offer in theoretical draw positions (i.e. K+R vs K+R). Instead, in these occasions - and they happen a lot! - they try to achieve a low-time position, when a really painful woodpushing-type of game begins, where everyone tries to be a clock hero, and in order to flag me, they start to play really silly, i.e. sacrificing everything and making dumb moves they would never play in real chess. I understand naturally, that chess is about mating your opponent, and never easy to resign, but this attitude sends me a message that no one really knows the concept of fair play.

- And, though I can never prove that, I more and more have a feeling that a big number of my opponents are cheating. As I said, I have no proof, but it is nonsense, that in 3 0 games they usually play 85-95% accurate, while I play 50-70%, and still have the same rating (I analyze my games a lot). I try to ignore this, because I really don't have proof and don't want to falsely accuse anybody, but the feeling crept inside me.

The worst thing is I started PM-ing users occasionally, and sending them mean texts. Not mean-mean, but still. And I hate myself for it, because of course I don't mean anything, it is the frustration.

All in all, these things make online chess a really bad experience for me. I deleted my old account after a year because of these and went offline for nine months. I've returned to the site in September, and already have the same experience, so now really thinking about leaving online chess once and for all.

Can you tell me is there any solution to this issue? How can you guys deal with this?

Before they lock this post, you should know that discussions of cheating are not allowed. You can go to the Cheating Forum (a club) to discuss your opinions.

The no rematch is raised here periodically. There is currently a fairly vibrant thread on it.  https://www.chess.com/forum/view/general/i-am-not-obligated-to-accept-your-rematch

People playing on solely to flag is a common complaint. The consensus seems to be that it's as legitimate as playing for mate.  It is certainly annoying when you are behind in time.  

Feel free to add your two cents.

I dont know I kind of just play the board and dont pay much attention to the person on the other side. For starters nobody is really obliged to give you a rematch. I never offer rematches, though I usually accept them, sometimes though I dont have time, or I have something else to do, sometimes I just click next game just as my opponent offers the rematch and I feel kind of bad. As for sportsmanship its the same thing nobody really has to show sportsmanship its just good manners. In my experience people are not really sportsmanlike even in real matches and of course online is just worse. People today are just not as nice I suppose generally speaking not just in online chess, you cant really give someone good manners by spaming their inbox though.

And yes it can get really frustrating when you are in an obviously drawed position and your opponent refuses the draw. Especially when its something blatantly obvious, do they think they can "invent" some new move or just hoping I drop a piece or have a heart attack or what ever. When playing lower timed controls yes some people tend to go berzerk just to waste your time. This is annoying but it's not really unfair they are allowed to that. Time is just an integral part of such games. Cheaters are another problem and sometimes they pop up. I dont really like discussing it. If you notice something suspicious just report them or spam the forums. The Chess.com team usually deals with it adequatly.

At the end of the day you cant really do anything about any of this. It's annoying and maybe frustrating even but it is what it is. You just gotta play the game and if you bump in to someone nice from time time thats great, but mostly you shouldnt even be concerned that you are playing against a person rather than an AI.

Who cares if they don't except a rematch we only need to click a button to find a new player instead. 

force the draw if its an obvious draw 

Yep

Thanks for all the comments. Maybe online chess is not meant for me.

I agree with all points except the cheating. Like @deaf_blue_bottles said, it's just a case of paranoia. Also, if you're fine with it play 30/0. People are usually are nicer and cheat less imo. Another thing, people won't probably drag out draws or losses.

If the rematch thing is really important to you, then yes. It's not going to change, because it only depends on personal preferences. Some think (for some reason) that accepting rematches is part of fair play, some do not.

If you found a game so very interesting that you wish to play more games with your opponent, just send them a message. If it's just an I-want-revenge thing, forget it.

It is not about revenge. Sometimes I do feel at this level it is fair if I can play against someone with both pieces. I usually like to play two games against my opponents.

Well, that's a personal preference that some share, some don't. It has nothing to do with fairness (at least not in a general sense - some players seem to get their notion of fairness from other disciplines and just apply it to chess). In the long run, all players get White roughly 50% of their games. So, if it's not a personal issue with your opponent, just play someone else.

I'm afraid that there is no way to force players into accepting a rematch.

I do not fathom the rematch entitlement syndrome, as in being put out if a request is refused. I for one hardly ever accept because I analyse each game I play immediately. I think people imagine that their experience and desires are more important those of others, which is again untrue.  Maybe online chess is, as you say, not for you.

You sure mate? You're on this website for a reason. For OP (i'm sorry if I get this wrong) it is to play chess. If he wants a rematch, nobody can force the other person to accept. He just wants a rematch, and I agree about wanting to play both colors against a person. I'm better with black, so if he decimates me when I play white, I would wanna play black to see how well I do. Also, I would care about my experience on the website more than some person I met 2 minutes ago.

I'm here to play chess the way I want, not the way OP wants.  I make no demands of him or anyone in pursuit of my experience.

The question is why should someone else care more about your experience than theirs?

When did I say you have to play the way OP wants? When did I say everybody should care about me? I don't care if everybody does what they want on the website that follows guidelines. They do what they want to do. I never said anything that mentions having to play the way OP wants. I literally said, "You're on this website for a reason. For OP (i'm sorry if I get this wrong) it is to play chess. If he wants a rematch, nobody can force the other person to accept." You even stated my point in one of your questions!