Quotes Of Low Elo Players (1)

Just a list of quotes from low elo players I heard over time.

vishyvashyanand64 from India (Elo 994 ): "Me feel like me biggest weakness are opening teory. Me is at least 2400 player in the tactics but i very weak in remembering opening lines. After 50 move i am usually out of book so how can i memorize more lines to get me finally 2400 elo like me deserves?" 

StrategicalTactitian9000 from Timbuktu (Elo 1137): "Hello guys, so against 1.d4 I usually respond with either the Nimzoindian, the Kingsindian, the Queensgambit Accepted,the Slav Defence, the Semi Slav, the Dutch Stonewall or the Benoni but all seem to be bad openings as I still lose a lot of games with them. Can you suggest me anything that is actually good?"

MonsieurBaguetteLeCroissant from France (Elo 780): "Bonjour, le.. how to le.. speak this le language? Hopppe you can hear me monsieur. So against e4 of course I play the only true opening, the French, but i struggle against d4 as there is none opening that makes me feel so in touch with my beloved hometown, i mean country. Is d4 simply the best move because it avoids the french defence which is clearly 0:1? And how do I deal with Americans over the board telling me to put away my croissant while ingame? "

CringyName69 from Mexico (Elo 1309): "Hola! After Donald Duck shut down the boarders I can not find any material to study chess. Is it possible for sumone to fly over here and bring me some good books, maybe some of Karpov or some of Kasparow if possible. I want to emigrate and get world champ asap to bring glory to my country and tortillas."

AccountNr.20 from African Jungle (Elo unrated):

"Uhgga Uhggaa Tarzan here back from the dschungle. i am new to the checkers, is possibly it is possible to get Grandmaster in 3 months? I will go deep into my cave deeply and deeply study, in depth for 4 months. is possible it is? best retar.. regards!

Forumtrollololololol from USA(as all trolls) (Elo 666):

"Hey buddies my name is Johnny and I am a lazy, fat, unshaved American who wants to get good at chess fast without doing anything. So whats the easiest way to do that? Preferably without having to move. Thanks a lot buddddieees!"

i am glad i crossed 1200 last year puhh. otherwise u could quote me 

k

You really came across as a yob in this post, just saying.

You do realize you quoted a 1300 rated player ?

-_-

This is the game that the first comment referenced btw

*lose

Some of these are pretty funny but I don't know if you realise that most of them, except maybe the first and second one, are intentional jokes. For example the french one was pretty clearly made by a non-french person to parody french people.