Fear of Games with Others

Hi Brad, 
you are not alone with this, nothing to be ashamed of.
I made a post about this on r/chess on reddit recently and the answers really helped me out. I'd like to share it with you and hope it can help you out as well:
https://www.reddit.com/r/chess/comments/i62qph/chess_anxiety/

Same!

Many players will never reach an intermediate / higher rating, but still really enjoy playing at their level.
I often get the feeling that low rated players are looked down upon in the chess community and that the main focus is achieving a higher rating, instead of just enjoying this fascinating game - but I do think part of that feeling is coming from me shaming myself.

I would describe myself as an experienced player, I was a member of a chess club for about 6 years, 20 years ago. I’ve always had a low rating though, iirc my highest elo during those years was only 1170 or so.
After the chess club days, I still played with some friends & bots occasionaly, but for the past 10 years or so I’ve been inactive.

I’ve only just signed up here, but despite my low rating I’m really enjoying myself with the puzzles and playing the bots. Playing ‘real’ games makes me really nervous though, I’ve only played one so far.
I do intend to play more, but it’s not easy to get over that ‘fear’. Having the possibility to choose the rating range of your opponent is a plus though!

Add me as a friend and we can play a chill game?

Same. I've been busy recently and I feel like my performance has taken a dip. Now I only play daily games because I can analyze moves thoroughly.

This is a great thread. Thank you to the OP. The way I usually think of it, it opens up the community to make the game less interactive, even if that instinct for playing in isolation is ultimately impractical. Maybe what it means is that there's a lot of introverts here not realizing how good the chance is that they'll be paired up randomly with another introvert. :-)

That’s actually kind of funny, but so true! A great way to think about it. It helped me a lot a long time ago when i began to learn just how many high level musicians, performers, and athletes are true introverts. I learned they had to compartmentalize their thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to rise to the highest levels. We think they are just extremely bold and comfortable in the spotlight. Once off the stage, game over, and everyone has gone home, they can return to their introvert-ness (if i can make up a word) and be quite comfortable. I’ve adopted such a mentality and found comfort in knowing that i don’t need to force myself to be someone i am not. It’s actually very empowering. Good on ya friend!

can someone analyze this

 

Sounds like a phobia, I'm not sure but that would be sociophobia.

https://www.medicinenet.com/sociophobia/definition.htm

? Why are you even posting this here? 

Good post. I too avoid playing live people. My reasons are:

1. I am trying to pratice something specific: a particular defense, for instance. At particularly tough spots i like to play throigh several moves and then back it up and play a differemt line. Can't do that against a person

2. I can pause a game for a few hours and come back to it when playing the computer.

3. When i play unlimited time games, i feel like a lot of the live players are making too good of moves for their level.

So meh. i have just sort of talked myself into just playing against live players. Dont really have a good reason not to. 🤷‍♂️

 

I have a similar story : learned the very basics of chess at the age of 8. My understanding of the game back then was honestly shallow. We had a chess-club at primary school where we used to play once a week, but there were only very few of us. I was always an analyst and till this day I am, so I needed a guidance for sure. I soon realized that probably because I was the only girl in a club, my "training" wasn´t taken seriously at all. But I still enjoyed it and continued playing. Two months after starting a club, I found myself on the first chess tournament of my life. I played in girls division and was pretty excited when I found out that most of them were 4-5 years older than me and had some experience in competetive chess. I thought - finally - I might learn something new. After few moves in my first game I saw something I´ve never seen before. The depth of this game. And I was astonished. I started to understand a bit more and made my first attempts of calculating moves. After a minute or so of intense thinking I heard the ticking of the clock and started to panic, because I never played with clocks before. Then I´ve noticed people gathering around our table and staring at the board. Not many of them, but I knew they were senior chess players and that means they probably already knew where this game is going or what the best possible move is. I knew I was too slow, so I made a move. As I tried to be faster, I made mistakes and inaccurances and the game ended in a draw. I was mentally drained after the game. And a little obssesed. So I walked away with tears in my eyes, didn´t finish the tournament and called my mom to pick me up. I used to be very ambitious for a child, maybe that´s why I felt so disappointed in myself. I didn´t quit chess-club immediately, but I definitely should have been more patient with myself. It´s been 15 years since my first and the last chess tournament. I joined chess.com two months ago and still haven´t play against a human. I study instead. And I know It´s something I really want to work at. After all, chess is still a game. And very enjoyable one.

Nice,honest post Biartnoky......I wouldn't fret at all about losing to a live player on this forum....I do it all too often-

I think its best to try out different things we've learned and it takes time to get theory down.No shame in losing and to be honest(from my own poor play) you get used to it and realize you're still going to be able to analyze what you did wrong and hopefully get better from there....

Losing is no biggie!.....Play live games.....It's not going to be painful at all.

Welcome to chess.com!  

 My name is Lauren Goodkind and I’m a respected  chess coach and chess YouTuber who helps beginners out : 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCP5SPSG_sWSYPjqJYMNwL_Q

 

Yes, some of my beginner students have experienced the same thing as you.  I encourage you to play against a real person.  Remember, everybody has to lose since nobody is perfect.  If you lose, then treat it as a learning experience.   Think positive!  

Remember to have fun when playing!  That's why we play chess, in the first place, right? 

 

Since you are a beginner, I'll be happy to analyze one of your games for free for my YouTube chess channel.

This would be a great way to improve your chess skills.  

    

    

 

As a guest.

Yeah, I can't play fast, so I play a lot of anonymous games on the other site. *Bwoo woo woo woo woo...*

I can relate