How am I supposed to "control the center" when trying to control the center is losing?

I've complained about my atrocious skill in multiple circles of mine and the most common tip they've given me is "control the center." As in "get pieces on those four squares at the center of the board."

Okay... but my opponent is also trying to do it, too. And when I try to take territory in the center, I'm losing. My pieces are either hanging or sparsely defended. I'm never in a good defensive position while trying to "control the center." What am I supposed to do? 

Since both players try to "control the center" what often ends up happening is either each player controls 2, or maybe one player has 3 and one player has 1.

It shouldn't be too hard to control 1. For example if you put a pawn on d5 as black, then e6, c6, Nf6 and the queen (on her starting square) will all protect d5... and if you're able to keep a pawn on d5 then your opponent wont be able to put a piece on e4, so that's basically 2 squares.

Sure they could attack your center with a pawn (e4 or c4) but hopefully you can attack too) e5 or c5) and things will stay even.

Anyway, it's hard to give advice without seeing a game.

You might discover something that addresses your concerns here...

Chess Openings Resources for Beginners and Beyond...

https://www.chess.com/blog/RussBell/openings-resources-for-beginners-and-beyond

"The four squares, e4, e5, d4, and d5 are the centre squares, and control of these squares is called control of the centre. The control of the centre is of great importance.
No violent attack can succeed without controlling at least two of these squares, and possibly
three. Many a manoeuvre in the opening has for its sole object the control of the centre, which invariably ensures the initiative" - Capablanca

You wrote "get pieces on the those four squares", but if you mean that literally ("on") I believe you're mistaken.  For example, I often play (albeit not very well) c4 followed by Nc3.  Neither piece is "on" a center square, but there is some center control being set up (e4 attacked once, d5 twice).  e4 or d4 is a good first move as it attacks a center square (d5, e5 resp), but it does not control the square it is on.  The control of e4 or d4 will be by the piece supporting (defending) that e4/d4 pawn.

Do not control the center. Go for the big 4 moves.

you don't have to actually OCCUPY the center, to INFLUENCE the center.  the real problem beginners have is that they're always either rushing forwards or hanging too far back.  first get your king safe, then get your other pieces out to good safe squares, then get them working together, THEN consider some more active operations.   🙂

Maybe this will help:

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that's just a general rule, because having more pieces in the center and occupying more space gives your more move options

control is not occupation

if you can safely occupy some squares in the center with pawns, that's usually enough central occupation for the first 10-20 moves.

more important is to not lose any material for free.  try to always keep these values in mind when considering whether to trade pieces:

Pawn = 1    N & B = 3

Rook = 5    Queen = 9

The biggest problem does not seem like a lack of center control, but instead simply not thinking of your opponents moves.

Chess is a two player game- you have to consider his moves. And if your opponent plays a move you didn’t consider but doesn’t influence the center, you should consider it an error.

Not helpful, unlike the rest of the great advice here. What are these "big 4 moves?"

This is where I'm confused. I'm told to occupy sometimes and to influence other times. When do I occupy and when do I influence?

What is the N?

Edit: sorry, I'm an idiot. That's "Knight."

better to  focus on putting your pawns in the center--especially early in the game.

position your pieces so they 'attack' (control) the center:  only consider putting them actually 'in' (occupying) the center when it's safe to do so.

chess is a complicated game... relax & learn!    🙂

Occupying the center is not control unless the occupying forces are either safe or supported.  I don't play the Sicilian but there are lines with Black having Pawns on c5 and d6 with a fianchettoed Bishop on g7.  Black doesn't have anything in the center but there is a lot of control over d4 and e5.

In the French (another opening I don't play) White may have Pawns occupying d4 and e5 while Black only has Pawns on d5 and e6.  White may be the one controlling d4 and e5 (if the Pawns are supported) while Black may be the one controlling d5 and e4.

Then there are those strange folks that play the Alekhine (guilty) with the goal of enticing opponents to overextend themselves occupying the center (without actually controlling it) and then the Black pieces can rise up and seize control (can be amusing when White has Pawns on e5 and d5 and later Black has Pawns on those same two squares and is now two Pawns up).

Chess is anything but relaxing, but thank you.

distinction:  "relax & learn".

didn't say:  "chess is relaxing".    🙂

i've studied this game for a long time now & find it very peaceful & absorbing... perhaps you'd find daily games less stressful, to take the clock pressure off?