A Grandmaster won a tournament in Prague, playing so well that he was awarded the brilliancy prize as well. At the Awards Ceremony, the Mayor announced that, for this accomplishment, the GM would be declared a Citizen of Prague "for all time".
His career ended in a Draw.
I laughed at the joke with the dog in the park (post #9, and requoted on #27 I think). I laughed because I found it just random ... How did you lose a game to the dog?
I also found post #41 interesting. If any god came to play chess, would it be delusions of grandeur, or god-complex? Also if it is the God of Christianity (sounds like it by context), is it really delusions of grandeur? I mean they are delusions because you are not where you perceive yourself ability-wise (like bragging people), right? God having a sinless, perfect nature, would play "perfect" chess. So is it really delusional, if you have the skills to back it up? 
Either way, I enjoyed all of the jokes on here so far. 
Alekhine once said of his opponent in a championship:
"I dreamed I went to heaven. At the gate, St. Peter stopped me, and told me Chess players could not go to heaven. I walked around, looking for a way in, and there I saw my opponent. I inquired of St. Peter, and he replied: "He only thinks he's a Chess player.""
If you're Magnus and you want to make the World Championship really awkward, I will give you someone's souls if you say this.
Me: I can beat anyone in a chess game!
*a friend knows I'm lying*
friend: You're right, you can beat them, unless you were playing online.
Q: How do you get a professional chess player off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.
if you want the funniest chess jokes and cartoons this guys is really good
www.facebook.com/chesspeacecartoons/
here's a couple of examples
For PC reasons "Black" is now deemed to be inappropriate. So the Black side and pieces will now be referred to as "Pieces of Colour".
Life is like a box of chessmen. You never know which one will get you.
Sometimes i play the Morecombe and Wise system.
I play the right moves but not necessarily in the right order !
What is the difference between a large cheese pizza and a chess Grandmaster?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
So it’s 1972 and a man gets sent to a Gulag camp in Siberia for some political transgressions against the Kremlin. While there he’s able to build a small one way radio, but the only feed he can get is the coverage of the 1972 World Chess Championship between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky.
So every day him and his fellow inmates huddle together in their shack and listen to the games play out. Finally the day of the last game arrives with the score tied. Spassky starts the game with 1. e4, and just as he does a pair of guards barge in and confiscate the radio.
The inmates are crushed. This has been their lone respite, their only connection to the outside world and now it was gone. So a couple days go by and a new inmate gets thrown in with them, and so the man heads over to the new guy and says, I’ll help you get settled in, but first it’s killing us not to know, please tell us who won the World Chess Championship. The man replies, “I lost.”
A Grandmaster won a tournament in Prague, playing so well that he was awarded the brilliancy prize as well. At the Awards Ceremony, the Mayor announced that, for this accomplishment, the GM would be declared a Citizen of Prague "for all time".
His career ended in a Draw.
I suppose Lobster62 must be disappointed that, in three years' time, nobody's replied with so much as a "WTF?" Thus depriving him of the chance to make some crack about "perpetual Czech."
"Really? How does He play?"
"He is very good, but sometimes he gets delusions of grandeur and He thinks He's Bobby Fischer."