Chess Humor 101 (Moving the Pieces)

Have you EVER had anyone drive you crazy with the way they move their chess pieces? Or maybe YOU are the culprit. Of course I’m not talking about how we move while playing on line (that silences about 90% of ya), nor how we open a game, but rather how we pick up and physically move (sometimes throw in fun or anger!) our pieces in real life play. So, without further delay...

Part I: The Suggestion

Today’s installment of Chess Humor 101 of Moving the Pieces has to do with the technique I call… The Suggestion. This unique style of getting one’s piece to its chosen destination is easily characterized by the use of the classic … nudge. If the piece needs to only move several squares, the nudge is used. That is, by using the first knuckle of any of the first three digits (never the pinky) of the hand, the piece is quickly pushed…pushed… pushed or, more accurately, nudged… nudged… nudged… little by little (usually two or three times, but sometimes more), until it, allllmost gets there… never in the center; always partially on the other square (come on, you have seen these people!). Now if the piece needs to move further than just a few squares, and if in particularly, it’s the knight, “The Suggestor” will lightly pick it up, using the tip of the first finger and thumb and deftly almost “toss” it in the wanted square’s general direction, where by, the piece will invariably, be nudged the rest of the way, again, allllllmost getting there, and again, never in the center, but always partially on the other square. It actually has been observed to even ROLL in a semi-circular arc into position.  Now this will be the last straw and absolutely drive some players… crazy. It gets worse. A Full Suggestor will NEVER adjust his/her pieces (those who do are called "Partial Suggestors"), but you will… all game looong you will. In fact, you will give up doing the “I adjust” long before the game enters the end game phase and, by then, you won’t even know exactly WHERE his/her pieces are. Now, if this is a kid (e.g. your 6 year old son), a stern look is all that is needed to quell such nonsense. But, if it is a respected high ranking opponent, lets say an IM, a GM or even one of your top club players, you can’t just tell them to knock off all the nudging…no! You can’t. To show respect you just take it.  You have been waiting weeks or longer to get a game with this person. It’s an honor to play him/her. You can’t insult them and criticize the way they move their pieces. No! So…  after the 27^th nudged piece you just clentch your teeth... smiling... and you just... take it! Yes, with your right eye twitching badly... you except it.

But what kind of a person uses “The Suggestion”. Not who you think. One might surmise that this player has conceived some sort of diabolical scheme to throw you off your game. No my friend. Far from the truth. This person actually is the kindest most gentle of all chess playing creatures. He/she doesn’t even know he/she is driving you crazy. They are as much of a victim as you are. How? They suffer from a lethal does of….. (whispers) politeness. They are polite. No… super polite. When they move, especially with one of their patented brilliant “shock” moves that seems to come out of no where, they actually do not want to get you angry, dismayed, disturbed or “shocked”, because of it. Thus they… “suggggesssst” the move… with a careful... nudge. It is on a level of acceptability (by them) as a friend saying, “Hey, your haircut is “wack”…and you say what?...and they say, “Hey, I’m just say’n”. And you say, “Oh, right.. your just say’n”.  The bottom line is this… these mostly talented people care enough of about you (the inferior player) sooo much, so as to move this way. They want to infer to you… that their move is not part of some incredible line of play when, in fact, you know that it is... But by…”suggesting” their move, in their eyes they are softening the blow.   

*** Stay tuned for the next article in this series: “The Knuckler”.***  By clms_chess

i personally move pieves using the joint between my pinky and ring finger's knuckles, and in taking a piece, i knock it over with mine, then hit the clock lightly with it.

I like to slide ALL my pieces, including my knights.

Best read so far! 'Nudgers' drive me up the wall and its always hard to dismiss they do it on purpose but if you say so Steve then maybe I will try.

Thanks Konstricta... I wish you were as nice to me on the chess board....lol

clms_chess wrote:

Have you EVER had anyone move their chess pieces in such a way so as to completely get under your skin? Or maybe YOU are the culprit. This will be the first installment of a series of short “serious” articles addressing the very interesting and diverse ways we, us chess players, “move” are chess pieces.  Of course I’m not talking about how we move while playing on line (that silences about 90% of ya), nor how we open a game, but rather how we pick up and physically move (sometime throw in fun or anger) our pieces in real life play. After very careful and studious analysis, I have determined that there are many creative styles to getting your desired chess piece from one square to another. All of these methods, naturally, reflects personality… their personality and your personality.   So without further "a do"...

Today’s installment of Chess Humor 101 (Moving the Pieces) has to do with the technique I call… The Suggestion. This unique style of getting one’s piece to its chosen destination is easily characterized by the use of the classic … nudge. If the piece needs to only move several squares, the nudge is used. That is, by using the first knuckle of any of the first three digits (never the pinky) of the hand, the piece is quickly pushed…pushed… pushed or, more accurately, nudged… nudged… nudged… little by little (usually two or three times, but sometimes more), until it, allllmost gets there… never in the center; always partially on the other square (come on, you have seen these people). Now if the piece needs to move further than just a few squares, and if in particularly, it’s the knight, “The Suggestor” will lightly pick it up, using the tip of the first finger and thumb and deftly almost “toss” it in the wanted square’s general direction, where by, the piece will invariably, be nudged the rest of the way, again, allllllmost getting there, and again, never in the center, but always partially on the other square. It actually has been observed to even ROLL in a semi-circular arc into position.  Now this will be the last straw and absolutely drive some players… crazy. It gets worse. The Suggestor will NEVER adjust his/her pieces (those who do are called "Partial Suggestor"), but you will… all game looong you will. In fact, you will give up doing the “I adjust” long before the game enters the end game phase and, by then, you won’t even know exactly WHERE his/her pieces are. Now, if this is a kid (e.g. your 6 year old son), a stern look is all that is needed to quell such nonsense. But, if it is a respected high ranking opponent, lets say an IM, a GM or even one of your top club players, you can’t just tell them to knock off all the nudging…no! You can’t. To show respect you just take it.  You have been waiting weeks or longer to get a game with this person. It’s an honor to play him/her. You can’t insult them and criticize the way they move their pieces. No! So…  after the 20th nudged piece you just except it!… with a show of respectful clenched teeth you except it.

But what kind of a person uses “The Suggestion”. Not who you think. One might surmise that this player has conceived some sort of diabolical scheme to throw you off your game. No my friend. Far from the truth. This person actually is the kindest most gentle of all chess playing creatures. He/she doesn’t even know he/she is driving you crazy. They are as much of a victim as you are. How? They suffer from a lethal does of….. (whispers) politeness. They are polite. No… super polite. When they move, especially with one of their patented brilliant “shock” moves that seem to come out of no where, they actually do not want to get you angry, dismayed, disturbed or “shocked”, because of it. Thus they… “suggest” the move… with a careful nudge. It is on a level of acceptability (by some) as a friend saying, “Hey, your haircut is “wack”…and you say what?...and they say, “Hey, I’m just say’n”. And you say, “Oh, right.. your just say’n”.  The bottom line is this… these mostly talented people care enough of about you (the inferior player) sooo much to move in such a way. They want to infer to you… that their move is not part of some incredible line of play when, in fact, you know that it is. But by…”suggesting” their move, in their eyes they are softening the blow.   

*** Stay tuned for the next article in this series: “The Knuckler”.***  By Steve Morgan (clms_chess)

 Cool one Mr.Morgan!

A friend of mine always used to adjust the board slightly before we started a game.  So we'd set it up - both facing pretty much straight at our side of the board & he'd take the board & very slightly move it at an angle so I was no longer sitting really perpendicular to it.  I have no idea if he did this on purpose to get under my skin (it did) or if it was done innocently.

Didn't really matter because I usually beat him anyway but it was horribly annoying.

I'd like to try moving pieces using my mind. ( o.O  ) It'd probably distract my opponent. Heck, I'd even distract myself!

That would be impressive.

Ya I just slide them to .

POLITE CHESS PLAYERS? ARRGH! KILL THEM ALL!

I'm an adjuster, other than that though I'm pretty normal! And I'm not all too bad with the adjusting ;p

The most annoying thing I've ever seen is somebody who picks up the piece between the knuckles of his index and middle fingers, and then extends his fingers while slamming down the piece.

One of our best players is a true nudger.... including being very polite. 

Best to move you pice in a slow rotating motion

REALLY!

I know exactly what a slammer is... very annoying.