A chess grandmaster was sleeping in bed one night, when the ghost of his recently departed freind, also a grandmaster, appreared to him. This ghiosrt began telling him of the afterlife, how there were giant chess tournaments, filled with all the greatest players of the past.
Then his ghostly friend said, "I do have one piece of bad news though. You have white against Capablanca on Monday!"
Unbelievable!
A chess grandmaster was sleeping in bed one night, when the ghost of his recently departed freind, also a grandmaster, appreared to him. This ghiosrt began telling him of the afterlife, how there were giant chess tournaments, filled with all the greatest players of the past.
Then his ghostly friend said, "I do have one piece of bad news though. You have white against Capablanca on Monday!"
Unbelievable!
5-fold repitition now!
Draw dammit! Draw!
Why is that one repeated so much? Is it the first thing that comes up when you google chess jokes?
So i dunno if you guys have heard this one yet or not but a chess GM was sleeping in bed one night...I can't even go through with it. I digress.
“How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb ?
“Nine.
One to complain about the lighting levels,
one to say he thinks the lighting is OK,
one to suggest someone calls the arbiter,
one to go and call the arbiter,
one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings,
one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing,
both arbiters, and
one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.”
A passed pawn comes home from work one day driving a fancy new car. His wife is astonished and says "Honey, I don't think we can afford this nice new car on your salary." The passed pawn says "Relax, I'm about to get promoted!"
Two chess players are playing a correspondence game. White lives at the South Pole. Black lives at the North Pole. The postal service is rather slow and play proceeds at the rate of one move per year. After 15 years of play, white makes a daring queen sacrifice, the consequences of which are by no means clear. A year later, as he sees the postman returning, he is very excited. He thinks "Will black take my queen ?", "Is the sacrifice sound ?". He tears open the reply and sees "Jadoube".
I guy walks into a bar with a four foot alligator on a leash and a chess set under his other arm. The bar tender rushes over to him and says "Hey Pal didn't you see the sign that says 'No Chess Sets Allowed"?
I’ve created a chess program that mimics human play” said the computer science major.
“So it plays at GM level then?” asks the advising professor.
“No, but it does blame its loss on outside conditions!”
On the anniversary of the death of one of the founding fathers of modern chess, the legendary French master Philidor, FIDE arranged a game to commemorate the occasion. The game took place on a giant board with celebrities playing the part of the pieces. Playing as the black pawns were Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, Isaac Hayes, Al Green, Curtis Mayfield, Otis Redding, James Brown and Aeretha Franklin. The game ended in a comfortable black victory with Stevie Wonder delivering checkmate with a timely b5-b4++, although he had to be informed by his team that victory had been secured. In the wake of some negative press, a week later FIDE were forced to apologise for 'any offence caused', although they maintained that the game was a fitting tribute to Philidor.
Before working on Magnus Carlsen, the dentist injects all the pain killers into his OWN jaw.
Just in case.
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When a sea parts for Mases, it is called a Miracle.
When a sea parts from Magnus Carlsen, it is called Survival Instinct.
Ivanov loses all his game in a tournament. Later FIDE President dies of brain stress. Apparently, he could not decide whether to laugh out loud or hire a chess "hit-man".
A chess grandmaster was sleeping in bed one night, when the ghost of his recently departed freind, also a grandmaster, appreared to him. This ghiosrt began telling him of the afterlife, how there were giant chess tournaments, filled with all the greatest players of the past.
Then his ghostly friend said, "I do have one piece of bad news though. You have white against Capablanca on Monday!"