Not to brag but I played against a machine once and won! Yeah I kicked my lawnmower's ass! Big red never saw that coming.
Funny Chess Jokes
Sort:
Once i read this from someone in random thread..."chess is only a game" ..."Chess is life, life is only a game.."
This one isn't very funny, but it sure is groan-worthy.
Where is a grandmaster's heart located? Their chesst.
Should I call 911 cause of my constant chess pains?
WHAT gets to move first?
Apr 18, 2014
0
#47
justpressresign wrote:
Chess is a racist game. Why is it that what gets to move fisrt and not black? Thoes racist mother fuckers
Haha, you are funny! The reason that white begins is actually the opposite of what you expect. In earlier days was it not set which color started. There was a discussion about that before every game. The majority of players preferred to play with the black pieces. To make it more attractive to have people play with the white pieces is the rule created that white starts the game.
LoekBergman wrote:
justpressresign wrote:
Chess is a racist game. Why is it that what gets to move fisrt and not black? Thoes racist mother fuckers
Haha, you are funny! The reason that white begins is actually the opposite of what you expect. In earlier days was it not set which color started. There was a discussion about that before every game. The majority of players preferred to play with the black pieces. To make it more attractive to have people play with the white pieces is the rule created that white starts the game.
White moves first because it is a lighter color.
LoekBergman wrote:
@kleelof: no, that is not how it went in the history of chess.
Come on. You're hurting my feelings. It's a joke:
White does white move first? Because it's a lighter color.
I know it's a moaner, but it's not the worse joke in this thread.
Apr 19, 2014
0
#51
@kleelof: you are right, it is not the worst joke in this thread, but to me it was the most invisible one or may be was it too light and has it blinded me. :-)
how do chess players eat food?
>>>>Using a FORK!
Sep 20, 2014
0
#53
Heard this the other day. very funny 😃😂 What do you do to somebody who's choking on a pawn sandwich? perform the chesslich manoeuvre !!
I was preparing an illustrated presentation for the new pupils at our school chess club, and of course I needed graphics to show what all the chessmen look like and how they move. There's a lot of images on the Internet but you have to sift a bit to find some that all fit one common theme and will look attractive on a large screen.
So I'm sat at my laptop and the headmaster wanders in and says "Afternoon Gil, what are you doing?" and I say "Looking for pawn pictures on the Internet."
And now I've lost my job, I'm barred from ever working with kids again and my wife has thrown me out of the house. 
Haha, I like it ^^
someone asked me this a couple of days ago:
He had an empty rolling board on a table between us, and asked me "How many white squares are in a chess board?"
I said 32
He said nope, flipped the board over, and said 33
I had a girlfriend who accused me of being obsessed with chess. Said it was affecting our sex life. So I agreed to take the chess clock off the nightstand. I still mated her in 7 moves.