Funny Chess Jokes

I dont get it.

Hahaha

Now I get it

What is a chess players favourite dinosaur?

A chessosaurus.

What is a chess players favourite film?

The chess players.

Only a sicko would want to fork a rook.

" That chess player has got no nose "

" How does he smell? "

" Awful !! "

4 pages of the lamest attempts at humor I've ever read.  

One day, a pawn moved sideways on the board. His friend, the d-pawn exclaimed: "Hey, you can't do that!"

The chess player who overheard this conversation is now in a mental asylum.

'Threats':

'Bar Chess' (this one is for the 'get a life' people):

'Not a legal Move - Correction' or 'Chess Nerdism':

'Chess Cheerleaders':

'Extreme Chess' or 'Alternatives to Bullet':

'Queen takes Bishop':

'It always does matter':

wow

I think chess is the one thing that should never be joked about.

Me?

How did I get my wish?

Y O Y does an activity that supposedly is a thinking person's activity draw so many who don't have the ability to grasp the simplest meaning in what other people say?

He means the so called jokes in this thread are so lousy they aren't jokes.  Ergo, chess not being joked about. 

Ok then...

My apologies, I was thrown off by the wish bit. Moment of dullness on my end.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting.' So we stopped playing chess. - Matt Kirshen

Not a knee slapper but this comedian actually sued a beer company for using this joke in a commercial. Cheers.

My jokes are not lame. At least i tried. You dudes are just like: "meeeh, dat sucks". You suck

If (r•2) + (b•2) = q, I have to join a chessboard and join black or white if the team color has lost its queen, has 2 rooks and a single bishop.

Here's a funny narrative I came across recently:

Chess is a fun game and easy to learn.  You play on a board of 164 squares, which are coloured light and dark, and there are two armies, one black and grey.  The rows are called ranks and the columns are called officers. The aim of a game of chess is to capture your opponent’s Queen and then they will make a sad face.  The Queen is worth nine pounds, which is the same as three rooks.  If you are in check from a friend it is called check, mate. At the start of the game all the pieces are queued up in a line waiting for a bus.  So at the start of the game you have to get your pieces off the back rank and into the box. Get your queen out as soon as you can and you might be able to win a pawn.  It’s always better to send one piece off to attack by itself, in case your pieces are needed to defend somewhere else. Also in the opening, keep your king in the middle so it can escape to either side.   Make some space at the sides by moving the pawns in front of your knights and rooks.  If your opponent puts their pieces in the centre you can surround their army and win easily.

The most common opening system for juniors is the Grand Piano; another is the Royal Opal.  An opening gambit is where you give up pawn to confuse your opponent.  Once the opening is over, you have the muddle game. In this part of the game, you can win points by eating Tictacs.  These are called forks, knives, nets, hooks, skewers, ropes, pins, needles and heffalump traps. Sometimes there are no tictacs and you have to win by attacking where your opponent is strongest.  You can tell where your position is strong and your opponent’s position by looking for things like knight signposts, bad bishops (this is a bishop that hasn’t done its homework), open lines, and pawns which are duffled, isosceles or westward. Once you are ahead on points, you should stop bothering about tictacs.  Instead you swap off all the pawns so you can win with your extra piece.  Make sure you keep your King safely hidden away at the end. If you get a pawn to the end you can turn it into any piece you want, for example, a King. Then you can hunt down the opposing army with your extra material.  When your opponent has no pieces left except the King, and the King can’t move, then you win on points.