Funny Chess Jokes
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A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
LA-FP wrote:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
you got that from http://www.chessebook.com/anekdoty.php right?
the black queen finally mates the white king, and the live happily ever after
They have a bunch of grey pawns.
Spassky after his divorce, " My wife and I were like Bishops of opposite colours".
King: What in the world is my queen doing there with the other king. I have always had this feeling of her cheating on me.
e2 Pawn: Relax chief, she has just mated him ...
King: OMG! :O even up to the extent of mating with him. Now they gonna have 8 pawns too... :'(
Rook: No chief, the little kid meant that we've just won...
warning: this might or might not be funny
Question: Why are your pawns always so sleepy at the start of every chess match?
Answer: Because you always force them to play the PawnsyYawny Opening.
"I like to play chess with old men in the park. The hard part is finding 32 of them." --Emo Philips
What do say to make your knight more agile.?
Giddy up
PerfectConscience wrote:
Pawn is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.
LOL! Great.
TOP TEN Moments when you should sense danger in chess:
10. There has been a change in the pawn structure. Your opponent has eight and you don’t have any.
9. Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes.
8. You have a position won, but your opponent has a gun.
7. The Director tells you not to bother turning in your score sheet after the game.
6. Before the game begins you notice your opponent’s first initials are GM.
5. After completing your development you sense your opponent is playing the endgame.
4. Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in 11.
3. You don’t control any squares at all.
2. Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into uncontrollable laughter.
1. Your opponent has three bishops.
Jul 2, 2015
0
#114
Wow, what is this my opponent having a gun? I can't imagine my opponent would have one.
What has happened really in my life was that I had to play against a woman. I was unprepared for her beauty. The only thing I was thinking of was how to make contact with her. I could not play chess, could not defeat her. She was also a much better player. She crushed me. My play was a joke. Needless to say, she did not want to chat with me after the game.
Would you like to quickly become a vegan and a grandmaster?!
Here is my method:
If one eats an avocado when tired, one may fall asleep; if one falls asleep during a chess game, one may lose; if one loses a chess game while asleep he may wish to wake up, study why he lost, and eat two avocados. One may wish to repeat this process consistently until one has become a vegan and a grandmaster. Results will vary with each individual.
I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, "Here, this is stale mate."
The shop-keeper said, "No it's not."
I said, "Yes it is. Check mate."
alexmonrovia wrote:
I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, "Here, this is stale mate."
The shop-keeper said, "No it's not."
I said, "Yes it is. Check mate."
Next time you buy a chess set at that shop, buy this one instead:
alexmonrovia wrote:
I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, "Here, this is stale mate."
The shop-keeper said, "No it's not."
I said, "Yes it is. Check mate."
cool... Didn't get that at first glance tho'
I find chess analysis a bit boring, but when I do the drill anyway I often end up with a big hole in my head.
Did you know that when Snoop Dog teamed-up with Bobby Fischer they beat their opponents by singing Nothin' but a GG (good game), Baaaaaybay! (lyrics arranged by ChessPlayinDude47) - here's the first verse with the "clean" lyrics - it goes something like this:
One, a2, a3, and to the e4.
CPD47* and Bob Jamesy-James Fischa is at yo' do’
Ready to check-in to the GG so retreat on up
(Cause you know we ‘bout to blow your CB up)
Gimme the MCO first so I can bust out the K's Gambit like a bubble
I frick-frack splish-splash in the tub with the firewater but that's trouble
Ain’t nothin’ but a GG (good game), baaaaabay!
Two bound-in gorillaz (so we’re) Maroczyay-craaazay!!!
Diagonal ranks are the files that plaaaaaaaay me**!
Unfadeable, so please don’t try to fork (or Fisch) me over (yessirree!)
Anand that note back to the analysis at hand
perfection is queens, so I’m ‘a let ‘em, um, not underpromote un’erstand
from a young GGer's perspective
and before me dig out a sac I have ta’ find a plan that’s effective
and when I'm slow I could be adjourning the game
and concerning the game at the same time table-turnin' (turn-tablin'?) the game
Now you know I ain’t wit that simplification haranguing
Ain’t no T-Rex good enough to check-out itself three ways while it's hangin'
(yeah) Now that’s realer than real-deal earney Gruenfieldin’
(the ball), now all you bozos and Nimzo-Bogo engines know how I be center-stealin’
Well if it’s good enough to isolate a passed pawn proper
I’ll take a small chunk of some of that hypermodern stuff with my BK Whopper
It's like this and like that and like d4 and uhhhhhh....
It's like that and like this and like Nf6 and uhhhhhhh...
It's like this and like that and like c4 and uhhhhhh....
Bobby creep to the board like a bum sniff' an' duhhhhhhm...
(repeat and/or vamp)
y'all just stay Reti (and chill) 'til the next episode...
* - no, CPD does not stand for Chicago Police Department, try again...
**- me is pronounced "may"
[Rate my joke 1-10. Also, the joke is associated with math. So try to understand the joke if you know less about math.]
My math teacher, who is also good in chess, told me some equations associated with chess. Math teacher: I am going to tell you an equation associated with chess. Me: Sure thing sir! Math teacher: First equation: Is it true that a bishop x a rook = queen? Me: I can conclude that the equation is true because the queen has both of the bishop and rook's abilities. Math teacher: Second equation: Is it true that a pawn + 6 steps across the board = a queen, a rook, a bishop, or a knight? Me: It is sir, because when the pawn reaches the end of the board, which is also six steps, the pawn can be promoted to a queen, a rook, a bishop, or a knight. Math teacher: Last equation: Is it true that a player loses when the other player does the equation: Losing player's king + checkmate = victory? Me: Sir, it is stated in the rules of chess when you mate a player in chess, you will obviously win. Sir, I also have a question for you. Does the equations you said before is applicable in real life, especially the first and second one? Math teacher: Not sure. Let's just conclude if Queen Elizabeth was also a product of an rook and bishop or a pawn that took 6 steps.
I really love math.