When U can't win a game and Your openent gave U hard time Shoot him! 
Hey don't think it true. Don't do that I D I O T
Signs you're a bad chess player
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Jan 16, 2012
0
#1142
They used to say that you were a bad chess player. Not anymore. Not to your face, at least. Not since the ghost of Bobby Fischer taught you his random chess in bullet. Not since you only play these days OTB. Not since you started laying a machete on the table on the side opposite your clock.
But, you haven’t been playing or practicing over the last few weeks and you are a tad rusty. After all, it was way back at Christmas Eve when Bobby taught you the Whirlygig opening, the Chainsaw midgame and the Clobber You endgame leading to the Kabosh tactic and, ultimately, the Kaput grand finale.
Disappointed in learning that the Manhattan Chess Club has been shuttered since 2002, you wander around Manhattan, aimlessly. Suddenly, there you are…at Central Park in front of a gaggle of concrete chess tables.
One, in particular, captures your attention. There sits a scruffy-looking guy in an olive-drab, GI Joe jacket that harks back to the Korean War era. He has a Santa Claus face, ruddy as well, mustachioed with a Van Dyke beard...gray as a pewter chess piece. At first you think it is Reb, but then you realize that this guy is much older (if such a thing is possible) and, certainly, much leaner.
He is holding up a rectangle of tattered cardboard with Crayola lettering:
CHESS
ONE $BUCK$ A GAME
NO HOGWASH!
GRANDMASTER JIM
Tentatively, and with much trepidation, you approach him…
commchf wrote:
nameno1had wrote:
zman1234 wrote:
When you stalemate your opponent's lone king with a rook and a king
What if you have a rook and king,then manage to lose the rook to the king , thereby causing a stalemate?
yeah...keeping track of all 3 pieces is tough...
Well, i mean it's possible, but what dope would play rook there? Oh wait, I would
You're main tactic is staring at your opponent uncomfortably until they get distracted and they blunder.
Isn't that what Tal did?
You discuss Go versus chess at chess.com
nice! lol
Javan64 wrote:
Isn't that what Tal did?
I'm sure he had something else in his arsenal besides uncomfortable staring.
You were not born as a bad chess player. That's the good news.
Thanks for letting us know...
It's all fun and games til someone loses an eye...
You might be a bad chess player if you are willing to trade one of your horses for a pond.
nameno1had wrote:
It's all fun and games til someone loses an eye...
Or an arm. That's why I keep a machete on the side of the board opposite the clock.
e4nf3 wrote:
nameno1had wrote:
It's all fun and games til someone loses an eye...
Or an arm. That's why I keep a machete on the side of the board opposite the clock.
Wow, and I thought me mentioning in a post, in another thread, that if someone was fool hearty enough to try and treat me as some do to others on here, they would need a gun to deal with me. Sounds like we should all start packin heat to our chess games.
I guess it would be like old times, when kings would meet and have armed guard, while they settled their differences playing chess. Is the machete in case your opponent is about to win and would like to stop their timer?
Guns are very nice. But, for close up work, the machete has the advantage.
Timer? No...no. Just to keep things courteous and the play fair.
Or as Civil War Re-enactors were so fond of saying, "bayonets are always loaded!"
Jan 20, 2012
0
#1158
Here is a dangerous chess piece. Who needs to bring weapons to the game when you have something like this:
"The Dangerous Elephant: 12th Century, Possibly Sicily
Chess has never been an entirely peaceful game. When a medieval player became angry during a match, he would sometimes pick up a chess piece and hurl it at his opponent's head. Occasionally this killed his adversary. If you were going to pick a piece to do some damage, this would be a good choice, Boehm says. This piece was likely an elephant, the predecessor to the bishop. The two protruding nodules at the top represent elephant tusks. "Some people say the sort of stylized elephant [nodules] gave way to the bishop because the bishop wears that hat with the two points," Boehm explains."
http://www.slate.com/slideshows/arts/strange-old-chess-pieces.html#slide_8
As a bad chess player (with more guts than brains), you saunter over to Grandmaster Jim’s chess table and you extend your hand, which he latches onto and jacks up and down like a hand-operated well water pump:
“I’ll take you up on that buck-a-game offer if it suits your fancy,” you declare.
“Sure, have a seat. My operating table is ready and waiting,” he replies.
“My friends call me BC". No need to educate him, you reckon, on what “BC” abbreviates...technically, it would be BCP.
“You can call me Grandmaster Jim, Jim Dandy or even Fast Jimmy…as you prefer.”
“Any good?”
He looks at you, sneeringly. “Hell, I beat yeres30 at correspondence chess once.”
“Wow! No kiddin'? I'm impressed.” You chuckle to yourself, with glee, as you rub the palms of your hands together in anticipation of playing for easy money.
“Not to mention I had a draw with Reb, as well.”
This, certainly, balances the equation. Nuts!
Squinting, both from the sun glare as well as cognitive discernment: "You ever been to Portugal?"
"Nope."
"Just thinking out loud".
You unravel your bankroll, a thick wad of ones, from your money clip (well, it’s actually a large paper clip but, so what?).
You peal off and plunk down a well-worn Washington onto the concrete-slab chess table and you say:
“OK, Jimmy, enough with the small talk. Let’s roll the dice and see what’s under the hood.”
My first team league matches of the year were today. My second opponent was from quite a talented school, but on their B-team (Their top 5 is really good!) This opponent really threw me off! Here's what he played (I'm black!) If you want to see the whole game, a thread called "We need more amatuers to post their annotated games" I'll post it there in an hour!
When you can't win a game unless your opponent blunders.