Your Teeth Are Like Stars, Your Ears Are Like Flowers

Assume that you are having a romantic, candle-lit dinner (for two) - but that you're also playing chess (possibly using voice to text) by speaking into your mobile phone: devise a code (including names for all the pieces) such that your date will not suspect you are playing chess. [Scenario 14]

better is..when I did have a wonderfull evening of chess with a 22 year old woman with really good..skills.I must say the chess board has never looked so wonderfull as when it had her um..shirt in the background.Better was when her shirt wasnt on her anymore and we were still playing.It's true.It happened and ..yes gentelmen.IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU ALSO !

  BTW..SHE WON THAT GAME ON CHESS.COM WHILE WE WERE.... WELL... I SHOULD LEAVE SOME OF THE BEST DETAILS OUT..DAMN , THAT WAS FUN FOR A WEEK ANYWAY.  THATS TRUE CHESS ROMANCE !

I would kill myself instead. 

Enjoying a gorgeous date will make it all the more exciting when you get back to the computer to see what moves have been made.

What is this "date" thing you speak of?

seems like an insensitive reference to suicide which is a terrible and real issue for some people.

Well that's spoiled the mood! It'll take a bucketful of roses to put that right.

Indeed, AfafBouardi. Couldn't you have anticipated that ilikeflags is not his usual, cheerful self at the moment?

You're beginning to sound like a pro. Did you ever work for the CIA (Canadian Intelligence Agency)?

(Ideally, the caller would be using a bluetooth earpiece/mic, so it wouldn't be obvious he/she was even using a phone.)

Don't ask me: I was speaking [typing] hypothetically.

Pawns- cars, trucks, etc.
Rooks- houses, apts, bldgs of any sort.
Knights- pets or any kind of animal.
Bishops- people such as politicians, acters, electrician, etc.
Queen- Mom, sister, aunt, niece.
King- reference to yourself.

  While sitting in the restaurant looking out the window.  My, that car would have looked good e four it was dented.   My car [king pawn] to,  E four [ e4 square]  Hopefully it sounded like, before.

  That dog looks like the one I had be-fore it died.  Dog [knight] to  b4.

Or maybe the ranks could be colors and the files be hiccups, coughs, sneezes and sniffles, etc.

 Who knows, it might make a poor conversationalist a little better.  You might also make moves you didn't intend to make.

Combine it with requests for increasingly improper bedroom shenanigans - that way, you might get lucky in more than one way (alternatively you could find swift attacks against your monarch impossible to repel).

Yikes. Chessplayers don't get lucky in more than one way...do they?

The question can possibly be reformulated as 'do craigslist postings really work?'  My guess is no.

A promising start. A coughing/sneezing code was used to good effect in the UK version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire to signal which of the 4 answers was correct, and also memorably in the movie IQ.

  Using the numerical designation of the squares 11 through 88, you could talk like a compulsive gambler and say things like, "I'll bet 52 to 54, that the waiter comes back with our food in ten minutes."  (King pawn to e4)  Or something like,  "I would guess there is probably 23 to 67 people eating in here tonight, what do you think, dear?" (As he frantically tries to remember her name and the position of the board.)  (bishop or queen from b3 to f7)

yeah, instead of thinking you're a chess geek...she'll think you're a compulsive gambler or someone who belongs as a Seinfeld episode character.  big step up.

AfafBouardi wrote:

I hate to admit it, but AfafBouardi does have a point. But how about if you mapped the numbers using well-known associations?

"That's the 64-thousand dollar question: could the Suez crisis have been averted?" (Rh8 to h7)

The only problem is, if you announce check you will probably be presented with the bill and would have to skip desert. [edit: spot the deliberate spelling pitfall :)]

If your date thinks you've been paying close attention and making stimulating conversation, at least you may not end up footing the bill.

OTOH, if your deception failed, you'll get your just desserts anyway.

do women foot the bills in England?