Chess and mental health (depression)

Is chess bad for me? This is a question I often ask to myself. Why do I play this game? Is it because I actually enjoy the game? Or has it just become habitual as a time passing activity? I have played chess since I was maybe 12 or so and am now in my mid 40s. Rather than improving of the decades my playing strength has just diminished. As of late I find myself wondering if the game of chess is actually doing me, and in particular my mental health, more harm than good. I am a long standing sufferer of depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. Quite often I think I'm just punishing myself by playing the game and feeding the dark self loathing part of me by putting myself in a position to fail. After all I am not particularly good at the game and I often find that after losing I start an internal self monologue along the lines of "I really suck/ I'm of low intelligence/ I'm stupid and useless". This is exacerbated when I actually try my hardest to do well but am still just not any good and lose because I just lack the intelligence to do better. When I play a game of chess I go into the game automatically expecting my opponent to be better than me as I simply don't have time to learn much theory, openings etc. When I win I usually just imagine it's because my opponent made a mistake not because I actually did anything good. At times I just get so burnt out on the game demoralising me that I just think screw it and purposely lose as I find there's much less internal stress when you play like you just don't care. Of course I'm aware that such actions is against the ToS and will probably get myself banned as a result at some point. Which may actually be a good thing for me as the game of chess has become like a form of masochism for me. Needless to say if it's doing this it's time to just stop. So how do other people who have such low moods, problems with low self esteem, self loathing, negative self talk etc keep themselves healthy with this as a hobby? Unfortunately it's the same issue in many of my hobbies. I sometimes draw but tend to give myself grief because what I can do is in my mind vastly inferior to what others can do. Same with musical instruments. I have a guitar and piano and rarely engage in this hobby anymore as I just am rubbish at it. I am well aware those who don't understand or empathise with how depression works are likely to tell me that I'm either being stupid, that I am a sore loser, that I am too "mental" to enjoy chess, and that I should just give up and find some other hobby to punish myself with. I can't argue with that as that sentiment may possibly be right, who knows.

I'm not a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist but I think the answer is that it's not Chess that is a risk to your mental health, it's how you feel about Chess and your relationship with it and that is something which you can change.

That said, your mental health is far too important for you to take advice from some guy on the internet. I think you should seek guidance from a professional instead.

#1
"Is chess bad for me?" ++ No. Research shows chess is beneficial for people with mental problems, but chess attracts people that are susceptible to develop mental problems.

"Why do I play this game?"
++ The good answer: it is meant to be fun. It it is not fun then it has no point.

"Rather than improving of the decades my playing strength has just diminished."
++ A decline after a certain age is normal. Fischer, Kasparov, Kramnik all retired.

"I am a long standing sufferer of depression and anxiety since I was a teenager."
++ It is unrelated to chess.

"After all I am not particularly good at the game" ++ None of us are.

"I start an internal self monologue along the lines of "I really suck/ I'm of low intelligence/ I'm stupid and useless". ++ That is destructive. Instead analyse the game.

"I simply don't have time to learn much theory, openings" ++ No need to do that.

"When I win I usually just imagine it's because my opponent made a mistake not because I actually did anything good." ++ Yes, that is correct.

"I find there's much less internal stress when you play like you just don't care."
++ The joy of chess is to give it your best effort, win or lose.

"the game of chess has become like a form of masochism for me"
++ Do not blame the game, blame your attitude.

"Unfortunately it's the same issue in many of my hobbies." ++ Thus it is not chess, it is you.

Mental state plays as big a role in chess performance as chess ability itself. If you dont enjoy playing, there is no point to play and it will indeed feed the bad mental state.

And do you think it works like this for everyone?

Happy World Daddy! 1) Recognize that chess is not reflective of your intelligence. Also that a huge percentage of the players you play online are cheating, so when you lose to them, you lose to an engine.

2) Find a happier place to play chess than online. It is a social game! Go play with real people. It would be best to play it with attractive women who will be impressed by your skills and one thing leads to another, but hey! 

3) I would agree an obsession with online chess is destructive but I blame the nature of the online community rather than the nature of chess.

4) I met an international master once. He played a few games with me before he bothered to introduce himself and he smashed me convincingly. After he introduced himself (basically by saying do you know this guy, I need a place to crash), he said “Don’t you feel stupid?” 
It is a game and a certain kind of idiot is good at it. That is why the USCF doesn’t ban people who don’t bathe. They would lose their best players.

It does sound as though losing at chess is a trigger for your depression and feelings of low self-worth. It would be great if you could see yourself as a person like any other, with some strengths and some weaknesses, but, at your core, a worthwhile and valuable human being.

I don't think that you would criticize other people the way you criticize yourself. That would be unkind, right? So how about being kind to yourself, and easing up on the criticism?

As far as your getting worse at chess instead of better, that's probably not even true. Chess has become immensely popular and a lot of good players have joined this and other sites. It may be that you're just as good as you ever were, but you're facing stiffer competition. 

I hope you're able to work through this stuff and feel more positive about yourself, chess, and life in general.

Thanks for the input everybody. I think I will take a hiatus for a while as yeah playing when your not in the right headspace I doubt will do any good. Usually I enter games with a pessimistic outlook that I probably do subconsciously make errors as a self fulfilling prophecy or just outright lose on purpose by making ridiculous moves. Or I lose hope and resign when I lose a pawn, my pawn structure gets messed up, or I think (based on my opponents play) that they would win because they seem to know what they're doing whereas I am usually stuck for what to do as a next move. I do tend to resign pretty early in most of my games where I lose confidence. Maybe after a break I can be more refreshed. I've noticed for a while that just playing out of habit might have been getting toxic for me. So yeah, it's time to do more relaxing hobbies for now. That's not to say I hate the game of chess, I'll be back at some point for sure but it probably is pointless just playing for the sake of it, especially when I'm not enjoying it currently. Again, thanks all.

 

its a addiction and can vary depending on the person and their personal lives

I genuinely believe I have some kind of mental problem. Chess definitely attracts us mentally strange people. I share my innermost thoughts with none but myself, I’m a hidden poet much like mother (though she has no clue). Everytime I’m alone I just sit and talk to myself in my head. I trust none but myself…

Links to said research?

Ok Mr joined 4 days ago

Chess is like riding a bike. Would you be depressed if you fell off your bike? … If your answer is “no” , then keep riding the bike, as well as you can, as much as you can.

Denny is right

joined 4 days ago.  the addiction isn't adding up

I'm going to say it.

In before lock

thanks for the preamble.

#22
"Links to said research?"
++ That was an article featured on ChessBase.
In a mental institution part of the patients were made to play chess and a control group not.
Those that played chess were reported to get some improvement of their condition.

Lol...still no link, but more importantly, where did "but chess attracts people that are susceptible to develop mental problems" come in?  I would suspect it was not from the Chessbase article ...