and the guy looks up and replies rather smugly "well, if he is so smart why am I up 3 games to 1".
Lame but a chess joke, sorry all I had.
That is my favorite so far.
My dog plays. She is not too bad for a quadruped.
Chess Jokes anyone?
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GrimReaper7752 wrote: A couple walking through the park stops to watch a guy and his dog playing chess, they make the remark to the guy "wow! what a smart dog! he can play chess?
mxdplay4 wrote:
Bloke walks into a pub with a dog. fella at the bar says, 'that's a funny looking dog'. Bloke replies, 'yes, but he could beat you at chess!'
This causes much hilarity amongst the regulars. 'Dogs cant play chess!' 'Anyone can beat a dog at chess!' '#### off!' etc were some comments heard.
So a bet is made for five pounds that the dog can beat the fella at the bar playing chess. It has to be only five pounds, since that is all the bloke with the dog has on him.
The dog opens paw to d4 (sorry). After a few moves, the dog is checkmated. Since his owner has no more money, they leave the pub with their tails between their legs (sorry).
Around the corner, the dog's owner grabs the dog's face and shouts at him - 'Why did you let him beat you so easily! Why not use the Collie system! (sorry).
The dog looks at him with some disdain and replies . 'Shut up stupid - we'll make a fortune in there tomorrow night!!'
Ta da !!
This one is good too. I like when dogs talk.
some of these jokes r really funny but most r pretty stupid. but keep them coming their quite amusing good or bad
Also from the link provided:
Three retired International chess grandmasters were playing chess in the park.
The first grandmaster said, "it is windy today."
The second grandmaster said, "no, it is Thursday today".
The third grandmaster said, "me too, let's go back inside for a drink"
Ha! "It's thursday today." Now that is chess thinking!
Reservesmonkey wrote: OK three men walk into a bar and decide to play chess but only two can play at the same time so the other guy had to sit and watch them play...so funny!
what a poor one that third guy, im imagining him seeing nice moves and shutting his mouth!
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Someone suddenly screams "He's taking your horse!". The cowboy get's up shoots a guy then runs out to see that his horse was fine. Comes back in, orders another drink, a voice says "He's taking your horse!". The cowboy get's up, shoots another guy, runs out but there was no one near his horse and he comes back in. The bartender says "Move the damn horse away from the queen already before this guy shoots us all!" (in my country the knight is called horse :p ).
Costin wrote: A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Someone suddenly screams "He's taking your horse!". The cowboy get's up shoots a guy then runs out to see that his horse was fine. Comes back in, orders another drink, a voice says "He's taking your horse!". The cowboy get's up, shoots another guy, runs out but there was no one near his horse and he comes back in. The bartender says "Move the damn horse away from the queen already before this guy shoots us all!" (in my country the knoght is called horse :p ).
This one had me in stitches.
Lol, I like the cowboy and dog one. They are both hilarious.
Q:Why should you never buy a house from a chess player? A:Because they take ages to move!
Q:Why should you never buy a house from a chess player? A:Because they take ages to move!
Aug 13, 2008
0
#52
A pirate is missing a chess piece. He walks into a Toy & Hobby store. He is three sheets to the wind. Trying to be helpful, a store assistant asks him: "Would you like a wooden parrot, sir?"
"Shiver me timbers!", yells the pirate.
"Perhaps you are looking for a new eye-patch then?"
"Damn and blast yer eyes!", shouts the pirate.
The assistant perseveres. "Could it be a game you are wanting?"
"Arrrhh", says the pirate.
"Or even just the parts of a game?"
"Oooohhhhhh", agrees the pirate.
"Well, we need to narrow down the choices. We have hundreds of games."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhh "kkkkeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy", says the pirate.
The assistant hands him a rook and says: "Well if you knew how to spell it, why didn't you say so in the first place!"
(derived from the famous "Medias por favor" joke)
Blaine wrote: Awful Awful jokes lol but keep them coming, i want to see if chess has the potential to be funny.
lol, i agree
but keep going, i dont know any chess jokes
Seriously, what is it with you guys and lying on lobsters?
WhoShotTheSheriff wrote:
BERKELEY, CA - The Berkeley Board of Education voted last night to ban the game of Chess from all of its elementary, junior high and high schools. The board claims that Chess has a negative influence on students because of the backwards and outdated thinking that was responsible for creating the game.
Is this from an actual article? Hard to believe.
if that's true then im never ever going to berkeley CA haha
artfizz wrote:
A pirate is missing a chess piece. He walks into a Toy & Hobby store. He is three sheets to the wind. Trying to be helpful, a store assistant asks him: "Would you like a wooden parrot, sir?" (derived from the famous "Medias por favor" joke)
"Shiver me timbers!", yells the pirate.
"Perhaps you are looking for a new eye-patch then?"
"Damn and blast yer eyes!", shouts the pirate.
The assistant perseveres. "Could it be a game you are wanting?"
"Arrrhh", says the pirate.
"Or even just the parts of a game?"
"Oooohhhhhh", agrees the pirate.
"Well, we need to narrow down the choices. We have hundreds of games."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhh "kkkkeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy", says the pirate.
The assistant hands him a rook and says: "Well if you knew how to spell it, why didn't you say so in the first place!"
it took me a while to get that.
Aug 20, 2008
0
#58
Nilesh wrote:
artfizz wrote:
A pirate is missing ... (derived from the famous "Medias por favor" joke)
it took me a while to get that.
Don't worry, Nilesh. 7 days is nothing. No-one else has cracked it yet!
artfizz wrote:
Nilesh wrote: artfizz wrote: A pirate is missing ... (derived from the famous "Medias por favor" joke) it took me a while to get that. Don't worry, Nilesh. 7 days is nothing. No-one else has cracked it yet!
Just to make sure, if you take the first part of what the pirate said, it spells rook right?
Aug 29, 2008
0
#60
Nilesh (the only person apparently to get the previous joke) asked something:
But anyway, here's the original "Medias por favor" joke.
"This Mexican guy from Juarez is working in El Paso for the day, and he needs to get a new pair of socks, so he goes into one of the downtown stores during his lunch hour. But just because it was lunch hour, only one of the salesmen was there, a big old Anglo guy, oh, say, from Lubbock or somewhere.
"Well, he sidles up to the salesman and asks him, 'Un par de medias, por favor.'
"The Texan says, 'Say what?'
"And they went round and round for maybe ten minutes, neither one making any sense of the other. Finally, the Mexican sees where they've got the socks, so he runs over to that aisle, picks out a pair, and comes running back with a big grin on his face, and he says, '¡Eso sí que es!'
"So the Texan guy says, 'Well, if you could spell it, how come you couldn't say it?'" http://www.blithe.com/bhq4.3/4.3.08.html
#1 on that list is odd, because education was invented by dead white guys, as were a lot of other things that are quite relevant to society.
Now that I mention it, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6 and #7 are odd too.
I'd better pony up a joke myself...
Two players play an evening game without a clock. The player with white tries to move promptly, but the other takes advantage of his (or her, if you are on the Berkeley Board of Education) unlimited time.
The prompt player fiddles around, gets up and stomps about. At one point late into the evening he stomps so hard that he bites his tongue. He sits down, and they continue to play very slowly through the night.
Finally he falls asleep, and when he wakes up, the other player is prodding him with a finger. "cxb3. It's your move."
He raises his head up off the table and takes a quick glance at the board, now illuminated by sunlight coming through a window. He exclaims angrily:
"It's passed pawn!!"