Just tell the parents that you would appreciate it if they would control their contraceptive mishaps before you are compelled to perform an extremely late term abortion.
Disrespectful chess children?

We aren't supposed to criticize or guide children anymore, because that will crush their souls apparently. So the little twerps run amok.

lead by example and tell them politely the rules regarding distractions, and tell them that in the real world that if you distract someone enought, they will probably get a good ol' knuckle sandwich, and not the pig knuckles either
contracteptive mishaps, twerps, and knuckle sandwiches. this may be the best "kids today grumble grumble" i have come across.

I suppose if I squirted a little hot sauce in their eyes that I'd be the villain.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahHahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

At a chess tournament you have strict rules to fall back on, and a TD whose job it is to enforce them. At a club it may be a little harder, but either way that behavior is unacceptable. I don't think it's out of line to inform the child of that fact, though you may want to let the TD do it if possible.

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."
--attributed to Socrates

In those times you're remembering, little kids played hooky and most likely smoked, or put pins on the teacher's seats. Rising for an wise elderly man should not be enforced, but promoted.

Why is chess geared towards children so much anyway? There are kids tournaments for kids, why can't there be adult tournament for adults... ie. no young people allowed.
Seriously. I'm pissed off at how I'm supposed to always be nice and respectful to children but they don't have to reciprocate.
It's all about more money. If 10 kids enter that's more money for the organizer or perhaps a larger prize fund.
Peoples prioroties are screwed up, and we wonder why the world is cold, rude, and people dont notice anyting beyond the electronic device they are glued to.
that's why i don't have kids. i don't have time to schedule playdates.
i also got a chuckle reading about being glued to an electric device on my electric device.

I've noticed it too. I have kids, and the oldest ones are chess kids. A lot of the other kids are so pushy in skittles games that my kids don't want to play them.
As an adult I would never tolerate an opponent heckling me and picking apart my moves in a demeaning way. I would simply leave the board if it came to that.
But seriously, kids are the same as ever. It is the parents nowadays who have changed.

I find alot of irony in this subject atleast for me, being 14 years old most of the time I end up being the one to get the smaller kids to follow the rules of a chess tournament, most of the time they are actually well behaved but sometimes i wished the parents would step in once in awhile.
please god let this be the proper use of irony or I will really need to re-asses my ability to use litrature terms
Does anyone notice when they go to chess tournaments or chess events that sometimes kids are disrespectful to adults or others ? I was in a tournament today and this kid who is about 8 or 9 and rated about 1900 came up to adults playing and started to annoy them by saying what moves/mates they missed and so on. Then when they ask him to leave he gets a smart mouth. I seen this go on the entire afternoon. Additionally, children seem to get away with talking to others about the current chess game during the game. Maybe it is just my club that experiences this. While I respect the amount of work it takes to be a good chess player I do expect them to have some sort of manners as well.