"in first game i had a toothache. In second game i had strong headache. In third game i got surprised by sudden rheumatism. In fourth game i just didn't feel good. And in fifth game - Well, does a player always have to win?!"
Tartakower, when he lost... 
Fischer quotes have to be the most entertaining because he was just flat out nuts:
"You don't learn anything in school. It's just a waste of time. You lug around books and all and do homework. They give too much homework. You shouldn't be doing homework. Nobody's interested in it. The teachers are stupid. They shouldn't have any women in there. They don't know how to teach. And they shouldn't make anyone go to school. You don't want to go, you don't go, that's all. It's ridiculous. I don't remember one thing I learned in school. I don't listen to weakies. My two and a half years in Erasmus High I wasted. I didn't like the whole thing. You have to mix with all those stupid kids. The teachers are even stupider than the kids. They talk down to the kids. Half of them are crazy. If they'd have let me, I would have quit before I was sixteen.”
“They're all weak, all women. They're stupid compared to men. They shouldn't play chess, you know. They're like beginners. They lose every single game against a man.”
“Yeah, there are too many Jews in chess. They seem to have taken away the class of the game. They don't seem to dress so nicely, you know. That's what I don't like.”
- Interview with Ralph Ginzburg, 1961
“I object to being called a chess genius because I consider myself to be an all around genius who just happens to play chess, which is rather different. A piece of garbage like Kasparov might be called a chess genius, but he's like an idiot savant. Outside of chess he knows nothing.”
-Radio Interview, July 6 2001
And here is the crowning theory that our all around genius came up with in the same interview:
“I'm very concerned because I think the Jews want to drive the elephants to extinction because the trunk of an elephant reminds them of an uncircumcised penis. I'm absolutely serious about that... Jews are sick, they're mental cases.”
Hmm.. someone was certainly a mental case.
"On the chessboard, lies and hypocrisy do not survive long. The creative combination lays bare the presumption of a lie; the merciless fact, culminating in the checkmate, contradicts the hypocrite."
Emanuel Lasker
What is chess?
Chess is a fairy tale of 1001 blunders - Savielly Tartakower
Chess is a beautiful mistress. - Larsen
Chess is life - Bobby Fischer
Chess is like life - Boris Spassky
Chess is everything - art, science, and sport. - Karpov
Chess is 99 percent tactics. - Teichmann
Chess is really 99 percent calculation - Soltis
Chess is mental torture. - Kasparov
Chess is ruthless: you've got to be prepared to kill people. - Nigel Short
Chess is a sea in which a gnat may drink and an elephant may bathe - Indian proverb
Chess is as much a mystery as women - Purdy
Tal, during his chronic illnes with cicatrices from injection needles on his hands, was asked by journalist: "Are you morphinist?" "No, I am chigorinist!"
"When Reshewsky offers a draw, look whether you can't checkmate him in two!" Najdorf
Tal vs Keres game. Tal offered a piece, one of his fantastic sacrifices. Keres looked uncomfortable a bit, then he stood, put his jacket off, sat down and then he totally destroyed Tal in a few moves. Having resigned, Tal said to Keres: "I calculated everything, but putting your jacket off, I missed."
"Have you already castled today?" Dr. Tarrasch to his patient
"Fischer is indeed Fischer, but knight is knight!" Tal about Fischer's bragging, that he would beat woman champion Nona Gaprindashvili in knight-odd handicap game.
"Don't babble and sign in!" My former teammate Pavel Pohorsky (+ 2005, RIP) to players who couldn't stand the loss and started arguing.
"Revived knight is fork-neighing." Chess publicist GM Marek Vokac annotating a game
"Why don't you just resign?" asked a journalist about adjourned game. Dr. Tartakower answered: "Dear friend, I noticed that when I resign, I can't win anymore."
"I won many games, but it was rarely against a healthy opponent." Dr. Emanuel Lasker
"I drink, I smoke, I gamble, I chase girls – but postal chess is one vice I don't have." Tal
"Chess was Capablanca's mother tongue." -- RETI
"A good player is always lucky." -- CAPABLANCA
"If drink is the curse of the working classes and work is the curse of the drinking classes then chess is the curse of the thinking classes "
-- J. Ross
"To avoid losing a piece, many a person has lost the game." -- TARTAKOVER
"Modern chess is too much concerned with things like pawn structure. Forget it - checkmate ends the game"
-- Nigel SHORT
"The winner of the game is the player who makes the next-to-last mistake"
-- TARTAKOVER
"As one by one I mowed them down, my superiority soon became apparent."
-- CAPABLANCA, My Chess Career
When asked, "How many moves do you see ahead?", CAPABLANCA replied: "One move - the best one."
"I can see the combinations as well as Alekhine, but I cannot get into the same positions."
-- SPIELMANN
"I became confused of all the bad moves my opponent made, and that`s the reason I lost the game. "
-- Nils J Schjelderup
Chess is everything - art, science, and sport. - Karpov
Play the opening like a book, the middle game like a magician, and the endgame like a machine. - Spielmann
“Strategy requires thought, tactics require observation”
(Max Euwe)
“Why must I lose to this idiot?”
(Aron Nimzovich)
“No Chess Grandmaster is normal; they only
differ in the extent of their madness”
(Viktor Korchnoi)
“One bad move nullifies forty good ones”
(Horowitz)
«If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.»
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
Kinda like my chess games. 
"A knowledge of tactics is the foundation of positional play. This is a rule which has stood its test in chess history and one which we cannot impress forcibly enough upon the young chess player. A beginner should avoid Queen's Gambit and French Defence and play open games instead! While he may not win as many games at first, he will in the long run be amply compensated by acquiring a thorough knowledge of the game"... RICHARD RETI
Kasparov is a MONSTER!
(fan after Kasparov won his 6th world championship game IN A ROW)
Chess is a forest in which 2+2=5 and the path out is only wide enough for one. --Mikhail Tal
And here's one from that well-known chess coach, Yogi Berra:
Chess is 90% mental; the other half is physical.
Author Paul van der Sterren, in his book Fundamental Chess Openings, wrote "What is required to play the Latvian Gambit with any degree of success is a sharp eye for tactics and a mental attitude of total contempt for whatever theory has to say about it".
“White lost because he failed to remember the right
continuation and had to think up the moves himself”
(Siegbert Tarrasch)
2. “Chess is a war over the board. The object is to crush the opponent’s mind.” – Bobby Fischer
4. "If you are going to make your mark among masters, you have to work far harder and more intensively, or, to put it more exactly, the work is far more complex than that needed to gain the title of Master." – Mikhail Botvinnik
"On the chessboard, lies and hypocrisy do not survive long. The creative combination lays bare the presumption of a lie; the merciless fact, culminating in the checkmate, contradicts the hypocrite."
Emanuel Lasker
"Was there ever any doubt?" - Kasparov at a press conference shortly after successfully defending his title against Anand.
"You sit at the board and suddenly your heart leaps. Your hand trembles to pick up the piece and move it. But what chess teaches you is that you must sit there calmly and think about whether it's really a good idea and whether there are other, better ideas.” - Stanley Kubrick