Internet is cheating all of us.
How do i become titled on chess.com?

What is your FIDE or USCF title? Show the Chess.com staff your credentials and you'll get those perks. I believe if you're a GM or IM you get a free year's membership but I'm not certain of that....

You get titled on Chess.com by gaining a nationally or internationally recognized title, telling Chess.com, then having them verify it.
International titles are: Grandmaster (GM), International Master (IM), FIDE Master (FM), Candidate Master (CM), Woman Grandmaster (WGM), Woman International Master (WIM), Woman FIDE Master (WFM), Woman Candidate Master (WCM).
I am a National Master (NM) of the United States. I got that by getting a United States Chess Federation rating of 2200+. Chess.com verified that by going to uschess.org and looking me up.
I will grant you the title of Prince Of The Land Of Stench:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olwjPyeA76c

Alrighty then, two macers! Who wudda thunk it was possible? So now what, a duel or sumthin at high noon?

Talking of free stuff, women players often get half price admissions to tournaments in England. Since there are certain pursuits I haven't engaged in for a while and I enjoy playing chess, I'm wondering whether I should get a sex change ? Do chess federations recognise this operation ? Could be a good way of getting a title as well...
I see all these titled players reaping benefits, how do I get all this free stuff. I'm titled too!
My latest game: