How would you beat death?

Many of you may be familiar with the famous TV trope of beating death in a game of chess to win back your life.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChessWithDeath

Makes me wonder, what would your strategy be?

I assume death would play black. I also assume it's a best of one.

What would you first move be? What defense do you think black would play? What variation do you think the game play out as? What would be your overall strategy? What kind of chess player do you expect death to be? Think you have any chance?

Personally I'd use a big stick

a kick to the nether regions.

"If Fischer couldn't do it, I don't like my chances."

lmfao!

I think I'd turn off my laptop and blame my crappy connection. 

Death is the player of the year this year...

He took Karpov from us. RIP Karpov.

Personally I think if I played e4, death would play some incredible complex, aggressive, well thought out Sicilian, just seems like his/her style. I would play a d4 game, probably queens gambit. Death would probably accept it, not sure what variation he would take it down cause I don't play the queens gambit, I play the kings gambit.

I'd try to trade down as quick as possible and hope for an advantageous end game, although death probably does not make mistakes in the end game. His job is in a way the end game.

What is this even supposed to mean?
You do realize the ammount of stupid people that read this forums? They will probably get a heart attack when they read your comment, and worst of it, BELIEVE IT.

What happens if I draw?
Karpov with White could always draw. What will happen to him?

Probably best is to accpet your death and realize eternity is one of worst stuff that can happen to you.

... with  a baseball bat (if I ever see him)

Sorry about that. I get Karpov confused with Korchnoi on a regular basis...

My clock malfunctioned.

I know it's called cheating death, but I don't think this is what they had in mind guys.

OK, Goose;

Your analogy assumes we're born ready to put up a fight. Indeed that is when the fight against death begins, is it not; once we can die?

If I were an infant; I'd probably try to grab his/her nose.

Were I me - now; I'd play the best I know how, but in my pocket I'll have ready, at the critical time, the Dylan Gambit (which has been described here already in different variations).

You can t beat death coz death always wins in the end...it s a great tragedy but it s true...

Then again ...

Each day is a little life; every waking and rising a little birth; every fresh morning a little youth; every going to rest and sleep a little death.
Arthur Schopenhauer

The shortness of life, so often lamented, may be the best thing about it
Schopenhauer

As Treesong just posted; There is no win, but the Dylan Gambit is the only response;

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light"

The only thing you can be sure of in life, is death.

Choose the cloak.