Munchkin(kid) fighting Tips for OTB Play

A humor-driven post motivated by a discussion with my local club's president a few days ago.

Those of us who play OTB tournaments have faced these monsters (often mistaken for tolerable chess-playing children) time and time again.

Some of us have bested these ubertactical no-respect-for-your-mom's-sicilian-preparation tyrants and have bravely endured those kicks under the table as well as the ominous glare of over-protective parents who believe you are nothing but an obstacle in their hellspawn's path to world domination.

Though some of us have been torn apart in minutes like a dog's chew-toy in what was originally supposed to be a G/90 confrontation.

It is time for us grown-ups, the rent/mortgage-paying, work-commuting, family-responsibilities-restricted, barely-enough-time-to-study weekend warriors to share some of their secrets at munchkin combat.

How does one effectively deal with their shenanigans?

A few boring answers could be "play solidly, play the position and not the man/monster" or the "play closed boring positions and wait for their A.D.D to kick in" but I'm sure the hive can provide more entertaining insights from their tournament experiences.

Well, I have a story about a strapping 15 year old who looked like he could play prop for the rugby team...

We were both 4/6 in a seven Round Swiss, and a 5 would have given him a shot at rating prizes, and selection for the provincial team.. It lasted about 5 minutes, and I made the mistake of laughing (DONT EVER DO THAT) I was honestly not laughing at him, but at the smothered mate, I mean, come on, a smothered mate makes anybody smile. He burst into tears, and I was almost physically assaulted by his mom.

I dont like like playing kids....

Quite amusing ... though what I find really hypocritical is that a lot of these parents want their kids to play open tournaments with adults and yet

• Expect every adult player to wear kid-gloves when dealing with these sensitive piece-slamming rotters.
• Do not teach them basic courtesies that one extends to another player, let alone another human being. While insulting another kid is not as damaging given that they have the memory of a lobotomy patient, being disrespectful of a grown-up screams out "BAD PARENTING!".

I must, ashamedly, admit to having a bit of a bubble as a kid when I contrived to lose my rook in about 8 moves having played ...b6 and White playing Qd5 attacking my rook on a8 and mate on f7.

How do you deal with munchkins... hmmm

I think there is some ways to be nice and still deal with the little hoodlem.

Buy him a coke. It is a nice gesture. You continue by playing a nice slow game and bide your time till he hits that sugar low.

Tell him that there is free food in the other room. You need not lie. Just inform him of those coplimentary donuts and watch his mind wander.

Ask about pokemon. It is like cat-nip. They start getting hyper and telling you this and that. By the time that the game starts, they will be a bundle of nerves.

... not that i have ever used any of these ;P

-KD

you guys are mean but being in section two in my club in my last tournament section three the section full of kids 5 -10 wasd so annoying i could rip some of there heads off lol (okay it wasnt that funny at all it was so annoying) any tips that will help that dont involve decapitating them,i am just 13 lol. Amazingly there were brothers in my section only grade one and two and they were by far the quietest people thier lol.

and none of those things work on anyone at my club believe me i am a kid and also have tried it on other kids lol

Well it doesn't matter if you are a young padawan yourself => the fact that someone younger than you annoys the heck out of you and really ruins what would be a fun game of tournament chess is proof enough that you are one of us. :)

Below, because you posted your IQ score on the internet, which has long been considered to mean nothing.  Also 140+ is the low mark for genius >_>, with an IQ of 122 it's probable a few people in the same grade have the same IQ or higher.

okay lol i take that back lol i also get pissed of easily also