Reading Chess.com anonymous titled players getting caught cheating is hilarious

I was playing some guy and was kind of convinced he was using an engine (brand new account, 1 or 2 games played and beating up on me pretty good with ease). So I googled Chess.com's cheating detection to see just how they detect cheaters. I came across this page and got to the bottom and ... it's hilarious. There's tons of FM's, GM's and IM's who got caught cheating by Chess.com's detection system and begged for their accounts and title back.

Here are some of my favorites:

Anonymous GM:

I was afraid to confess initially, fearing that my name would be published with inaccurate allegations and my reputation would be irreversibly damaged. I was afraid that you would not fully believe the following account of my actual behavior....

I did use computer assistance after the opening, around move 17-18, until the end of the game. I did the same against him in the night event out of further frustration after move 15, where he repeated the same pattern, and again, did not use any kind of assistance whatsoever in my other games

Anonymous IM:

I'm sorry I did well sometimes Hiarcs chess sets used for analysis in only three days game. I would love to have me FIDE TITLE back, I'm going to do no more sorry,

Please can you give me another chance.

Anonymous FM:

My name is ANONYMOUS. Long months ago my account banned from Chess.com because I open engine for Title Tuesday. I know this is not acceptable fashion. I made a very big wrong, and I get banned. Every day I missed Chess.com I'm playing chess other sites now ( ICC, Playchess, Chesscube ) but Chess.com really different. I'm apologize for my immaturity. 

Have a good day.

Best regards from ANONYMOUS.

Crazy to think there's titled players that have to resort to cheating. Do you think chess.com's detection system actually picks up on 100% of instances of cheaters?

wow

100%? No. But does it work? Obviously.