Seperating the Ego from the Chess Player?

While this is not an attempt at metaphysics, I'd like to ask => How many of you have truly managed or even conquered your ego when playing this game competitively?  Is the desire to feel the "I'm better than you" feeling hardwired into our genes? How far can it go in messing up our games?

Examples of "Ego-related mishaps" from a tournament hall could include =>

• Playing way too fast against inferior opposition or clearly winning positions
• Playing purely against a rating number rather than the position on the board?
• Getting into a "Panic Mode" when a lower-rated player is suddenly destroying you.
• Not being able to learn from a loss and assuming that your opponent got lucky or any other lame excuse.

How do the stronger players keep from letting it derail their games?

Or perhaps there is a  flip-side.  We hear talk that some of the most dangerous GMs had this "I will break you" mentality (Fischer, Kasparov) and that their egos actually made them even more formidable?

Your thoughts! :)

I think to some degree the whole 'big ego' thing is a part of chess that simply isn't going anywhere.  It's a matter of how you use it.  Some people simply believe that they are 'too good' for their opponents.  That will get you into trouble.  I've learned that from experience.

A few painful losses will help you to control the ego.  Lose a couple games from winning positions because you were already spending your prize money (woops :P) and you'll know what I mean.

Edit - I also wanted to mention that OTB (real life tournaments) I have a massive ego :P ... After and before the game I'm as nice as can be but during you'll see a lot of piece slamming and eye rolling :P ... Just a part of the game, provided it doesn't get out of control.

At the same time I think most good chess players know it's just a show.  I've beaten people who claimed outright that they had the better position (which was simply untrue) and that I got 'lucky'.  Those very people left angry, and came back the next morning a stronger player.  Why?  Because deep down they knew they got outplayed, and they analyzed their loss.  In chess, (in my opinion) ego only becomes a problem when you start to believe your own lies :).

My ego often poses a problem.

I have a big ego when it comes to playing chess, and I don't mind it. I can be cocky and arrogant, but it's normally for good reason. The way I see it, both players know everything that's going on at the chess board. Both players see every piece. If you beat someone, it's because you're better than they are, simple as that. The possibility of being mentally stronger (and having it proven by chess!) than the person across the board from me is why I play.

Ego in our sport is not more previlent than traditional athletics. In that case, most sports psychology books can have impact our play. Our field is in the mind and therefore our mental well being might be slightly more important. ;P

Food for thought,

-KD

so lets hear it about a kids and his dad (supposing that it is an interest that both of them share).

as a Dad, my kid has gotten quite a lot of recent interest and there's been some pretty epic battles between us.  I'm still higher rated, and generally see more tactics- but its far from the one sided beatings that it used to be.

instead, my son catches some good moves sometimes and there is bluffs and swindles all over the place.  I'd say in just about half the games now- that he finds a good advantage, and then usually losses his advantage in later complications.

and anyway these are long hard game and we are playing them seriously with a clock and a chess notebook.  in 25games he has only won two...

anyways the whole ego issue comes out sometimes between us.  its kind of complicated by the fact that I truly am excited that he is interested in chess and encouraged by his improvement.

but his wins have to happen with my losses, and I have a serious committed chess improvement program too.  so its a big rivalry. 

Anyways, if you cannot be friends while being a strong and fierce opponent,

you're doing this hobby wrong.  it may be hard, but you have to see your own tendency to blunder as the enemy; and allow the opponent to be a good friend you spend time with, even if your purpose is to mercilessly win in every game.

as for my son, I hope he sees that this is a great way to share a common interest with his dad.  the bar is set high; but once my son starts beating me more regularly , he should know he's accomplished alot.

its not easy to improve at chess....

Beating someone (consistently, all or most of the time) at chess only proves that you are better than them at chess. It says nothing about your ability in other fields, nor does it say a lot about you as a person.

I will say that OTB chess does not seem attract the idiots that derail interesting threads on chess.com with their trolling, or that enjoy throwing out crude insults at everyone they meet on-line.

I've heard it said that some OTB are pretty rude.  but online- there are like maggot in a road kill, in their element.

absolutely beating another person in chess means only that that one person blundered less than the other.  its not even a fair way of saying someone is better at another person in chess.

take a close but predictable match up between players- change the time control and all the sudden it may not be the same result at all.  I privately think my son may conquer me in blitz first, though I think he's thinking harder and learning more to play the slow game.

I'm sure your thinking of the same obnoxious player when we talk about ego problems.  thats just the way it is ,online.   there has been a long, long history of similar users going back for years and years.  in fact, it could be the same guy(s).

anyways they almost always seems to be get banned. so its a bad idea to brag back. 

My problem really isn't ego, but rather what's at stake. When I'm playing in a large open tournament with lucrative cash prizes I find myself intensely focusing, using every second on my clock, and trying to calculate every variation. I've played some of the best chess of my life in such events.

When playing in a small local event like a Saturday or Sunday quad, I seem to put moderate effort into my games. I do some decent analysis and calculations, but I'll get up, walk around to watch other games and not worry about my clock when using the bathroom. The quality of my games seem moderate with occasional mistakes every now and then.

Then there are casual games and online games where I'm just incredibly lazy and play all my moves purely on intuition or instinct (whatever you'd rather call it) and I can't get myself apply myself mentally. I blunder at least once in every game and I miss many tactical opportunities.

Is this normal?

Its part of human nature. We are basically brainwashed early to be competive with one another. To have pride in ones self...etc. It is wise to be humble for a reason. Because one day you will be old, sick, or worse, if you survive till then. Your ego, and pride are useless then. Often times you learn this, if you have a sibling, or loved one that has some disease, or condition, but unless you live with it on a day to day basis, you may not give it a seconds thought, and are oblivious to it. Usually something has to happen in a persons life to really understand how horrible life can be for some. It was never promised to be a rose garden, and unfortunately for many they have to learn the hard way.

My experience is similar.  I concentrate best in "important" OTB games (insofaras any chess played by a sub-2000 player can be important) next best in other OTB games and worst of all on-line ... and the faster the time limit the sloppier my chess.  However, unlike you, I am rarely in contention for any "lucrative cash prize"

True enough, and wisely said, but rather depressing.

Or don't have enough money to buy for ourselves a nice and modest Christian wife, or whoever plays that role among them.

You can't buy someones true love Lek. Actually even by trying to do it, you may instead get their resentment.