Suicide over Chess? Why?

Some people make one thing "my life" and soon lose perspective on what life should be. I've been just a thrilled coaching high school softball to 3rd in State and cross country to 12th in state as I was coaching chess to 3rd in State.  I also enjoy pop piano (Adele, John Denver, etc.) and Classical piano  equally well. And much more in cabinet making, bicycling, etc. Andmy greatest accomplishment is that I'm a grad degreed chemist with published research papers and industrial patents (owned by my employer, Dow Chemical).

If /iscrew

Roy Carl Ervin was born in Los Angeles on January 4, 1951 and grew up in Santa Monica.  In 1969, he took 2nd in the Ventura Marina Chess Festival, won by Ray Martin, and ahead of Norman Whitaker.  In 1969, at the American Open in Santa Monica, Ervin, rated 1879, defeated Jude Acers, rated 2303. In 1970, he won the expert prize in the National Open.  He attended UCLA.  He was a USCF Senior Master and a FIDE master who earned one IM norm at Lone Pine in 1977 (he played in Lone Pine in 1975, 1976, 1977, and 1978).  In 1974, he represented the United States in the World Student Team Olympiad.  In 1976 he won the Bagby Memorial (Northern California Championship), and tied for first in the Stamer Memorial in San Francisco with Jeremy Silam and Frank Thornally.  He tried to commit suicide at one of the Louis Statham tournaments when he lost to Gligoric by slitting his wrists.  He slit his wrists again in 1977 at the US Open in Columbus, Ohio after a loss.  He also tried to cut off his nose with a pair of scissors.  For awhile, he was a homeless person who lived on the beach in Santa Monica and slept underneath the chess tables in Santa Monica. He was commited to a mental hospital for awhile in Chico, California.  In 1987, the San Francisco had a Ervin Memorial, thinking he was dead.  Ervin showed up at the Ervin Memorial. Southern California also had a Ervin Memorial while Ervin was alive.  He died in Red Bluff, California on November 4, 2001.

BW 

I knew Roy, he stayed at my place in Albany CA, in 1974. You can imagine the frustration of not quite making it to GM, was very depressing. Trying to earn a living playing chess, even as a Gm is very difficult. Roy use to sleep on the beach at Santa Monica - homeless for most of his life. Spending countless hours studying, only to to just draw or lose against the top players, has to mess with your mind. It is unnatural to spend 75% of your time studying and playing chess with no reward to speak of.

I played Craig a couple of years ago once at a weekend chess congress. I was shocked when I first saw this. If it was just chess, it's sad. Chess is a wonderful hobby for many and a profession for a few. Not everyone has the talent to reach high levels of this game, but I'm sure everyone has something they themselves can be the best at. It's just a case of living life and finding out where your own niche is.

Sometimes you dedicate your entire life to something and still fail to accomplish what you wanted - tends to devastate people's lives. There was some Japanese mathematician that worked day and night on some theory, couldn't work it out and ended up jumping off the balcony - tragic, but somewhat understandable.

How many people spend 20 years of their life working hard, practicing, etc., only to finally realize that they are just a little better than average? The reality can hit you very hard.

Great contribution arnefish! Norman Whitaker used to stay with a friend of mine during his travels. Hard life for a chess pro.

If it takes you 20 years to realize you're no good at something, you're probably too dumb to kill yourself.

I thought about killing myself too after I lost to a 1500 on an OTB, then to a 1780 then to a 1695, people rated below me 500-700 points.

I have never felt so broken in my life, and the worst part is... I lost a won game on blunder that I knew it was a blunder but I guess part of myself just hates me so much it wants to see how I am when I am in terrible suffering so I did it anyway. 
After falling into deep depression and suicidal thought for 5 days straight (I take myself as very mentally strong and can deal with suicidal thoughts as my own psychotherapist so don't worry there)

I am slowly stepping out of it, by watching and understanding some of the great games by the world's top 100.

I imagine that chess stress was the straw that broke the camel's back in the man's sad case.  I've also had great recent stress, though as I spell out below, I know how to deal with it without doing anything drastic.

We learned that my sister's 3-month-old grandson needs a heart transplant.  Fortunately, both grandparent families are financially well off and the baby has Cadillac-level health insurance and may lead a normal life thanks to modern advances in medicine.  Still, it's taken a toll on me and a few good things that happened in the past week - including Team USA Southeast posting a notice that I'm currently on top in a team-only tournament - have had a very lifting and calming effect.

I think people who have had to struggle to achieve -but did achieve- and grew up with little financial support tend to be less suicidal because they have developed ways to mentally cope with disappointment and tragedy.  If something drastically wrong happens to someone who has never had to handle serious problems, I can see where some may commit suicide if they're limited in people who they can talk to and get themselves back in mental equilibrium.

Personally, I grew up in a very poor home where frequent financial problems caused almost constant tension, yet my younger sister and I worked hard and ended up with graduate degrees, she in Nursing from Johns Hopkins Univ., me in Chemistry from IIT, both resulting in careers that provided very good livings and retirements.  There were so many barriers to our lifting ourselves out of poverty that we learned to deal with disappointment on a major scale: and we saw how persevering paid off.

I think that's why I don't think I would ever consider suicide - and I have had some major setbacks in my life - because I know that no matter what non-medical problems may occur, I'll find a way to bounce back.  Even now, retired and with some minor physical problems, if I lost everything I own I'd eventually overcome my fears and look at it as a challenge to overcome: I've done it over and over in the past.

I wonder if the opposite may be true in some cases - using chess in drug and alcohol (and other)counseling as it is used in educational settings.

By the way, thanks to all who shared such important stories,

If I knew what his rating and chess plus other income was, I might be able to understand him better. The fact he was 43 and "playing chess for 20 years" tells me he got started much later than almost all very-strong players and improvement past a certain level may have been too difficult.

Yet he gave up his job for chess.  At what level?  Did he earn much giving lessons?  Did he write any books?  Many masters need to do those things to earn a decent living.

It's also important not to let one thing dominate your life beyond reason.

When I coached a very-successful high school team, the players who were most unstable and most often burned themselves out and quit chess were those who joined the club and soon proclaimed "chess is my life."  They would win 3 of 5 games in a tournament and begin talking about winning the County Championship Tournament (of which I was the USCF Tournament Director).  Then they'd go 1-4 or 2-3 in that tournament and they were devastated and complain to me, the TD, "It wasn't fair, you gave me Black against the good players," or other not-so-true excuses. 

We saw a similar example here on these boards earlier this year with someone who posted messages over and over saying he was absolutely devoted to chess, buying books, attending clubs, etc. and now he's gone.

I played GM Lembit Oll in a tournament in Chicago in the early 90s. He beat me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lembit_Oll

I was sad to hear a few years later that he killed himself. But it wasn't over chess. And he did get treatment for his depression. But it's a very, very tough illness.

BRUH killed over chess your a idiot for doing that

I punch myself in the head so much after blundering that I've hurt my left hand and now I have to slap myself. If I had access to a gun I know I would have killed myself by now. I don't know what to do. I hate myself so much when I lose. It's legitimately crazy. I want to stop hitting myself so much because I'm afraid I will develop the kind of problems that people get from too many concussions. I ring my bell and see stars all the time. But I just hate myself so much. 

No healthy normal person kills themselves because of chess. The person clearly had other problems and chess was just something that triggered him. Lots of people have killed themselves over silly things like their favorite football team losing or messing up a cake recipe so there's nothing particular significant about it being chess.

I think you may need to see a professional. Really. Please, find a therapist. I can’t stand seeing something like this. Don’t get hurt and stay safe!

Thank you. This means more than you probably know. I can't get a therapist but think I needed to read someone saying something like this to me. 

Well, just talk to someone. 

Don't suffer in silence

https://findahelpline.com/

Always professional people about if needed.