the art of thinking ahead

i have been playing chess for a while and it bothers me i can't think 3,5 moves ahead yiet. i must be doing something wrong....smh

Do you mean it's hard to visualize a sequence or do you mean you can't make a (useful) plan?

Visualization just takes practice. Solve puzzles, play long games, and when reading try to follow along without a board before moving the pieces

Planning is different and doesn't really happen until you've learned some ideas and patterns. And if you can make a useful plan in almost any position you'd already be a very strong player (better than me at least). Most of us are making our best guess on most moves.

Some moves I am always tempted to make without thinking to much just to see what it happens. I think the reason is the anxiety.

It's more important to view the position and judge the right squares for your pieces than to have depth calculation. Of course calculation is essential but you can survive just having some positional understanding. Alekhine could calculate 15 moves ahead whereas when Reti was asked how many moves ahead he could see he replied 'One'

I'm pretty sure the occipital lobe is trainable .

Buy Dvoretsky's Analysis Manual.  Aagard's GM Prep is a great workbook for exercising calculation skills.