What to do when I have no more motivation to improve?

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marqumax

when I started chess 3 years ago I decided I would try to improve as fast as possible. So I worked as much as I could and improved very fast. But something happened recently and I despite my efforts I’m not getting much better (as far as my rating is concerned). I’ve been stagnating at 1900 FIDE for 9 months. And that got me worried. Even if I commit a lot of time and effort into improving it seems as though I won’t go much higher. How much do you think I can improve as an 18 year old? Because if it turns out I can’t improve much then I might as well quit. I’m not having any more fun playing chess. By now I’m only trying to improve but if I can’t I’ll quit.

Kowarenai

i just use that negativity as fuel unless i am completely burnout then i just sleep like a dying bear

marqumax
I’ll try that
KeSetoKaiba

This is a personal thing @marqumax and the "solution" requires a bit of introspection to find. If anything, recognizing your lack of motivation displays maturity.

You must discover new motivations to fuel your chess journey, or simply decide to cut back on how much you invest into chess; this isn't necessarily a bad thing. One can move onto other ambitions (non-chess) and still not "quit" chess entirely (and even if you did, that might be okay too). I'm not trying to convince you into "quitting" chess because the game has a lot it can offer, yet what I am hoping to make clear is that you are human and humans adapt over time. Your emotions and ambitions are different today than they were when you began your chess journey and they may or may not be different even tomorrow! There is nothing wrong with staying in touch with these emotions and adjusting accordingly. If you do decide to take a break from chess, the chess community should always be there if/when you choose to return, so do what you feel is right for you. 

If you still aren't sure about "quitting" chess, then here are some possible ideas which might indirectly motivate you:

- Try playing unrated games if you mostly play rated, or vice-versa

- Go over games of titled players and annotated games; sometimes you can still appreciate chess and get motivated for your own game when you are going through a game "like a story" and there is no pressure on you to find the best moves or survive time pressure

- Play variants; FischerRandom is a small change from standard chess, but what about vastly different games chess-related such as Horde, Racing Kings, or XL Chess. I treat variants as entirely different board games which merely resemble chess in some ways, but sometimes just mixing things up like this can keep you creative and indirectly spark more motivation for standard chess in the future

- Play different time controls. If you mainly play chess.com Rapid, then try playing Bullet or Blitz. If you play Bullet/Blitz, then try Rapid. Just changing time control can feel really different sometimes

- Ditch routine; sometimes it isn't chess which is wearing away your motivation to play, but it is the routine of having to solve tactics puzzles daily or having to constantly analyze games. There might be a lot of recharging through mixing up these habits temporarily, so that you may find ways to enjoy the game of chess without the "work" elements. This might look like not "playing" chess at all, or attempting puzzles, but still watching chess YouTube videos or reading a new chess book

Those are just "some" of my thoughts on what you could experiment with, yet ultimately the decision is yours @marqumax

Maybe some of these chess.com blog/forums might also motivate you in some way:

https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/dropped-more-chess-rating 

https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/today-is-the-day-2000-rapid 

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/ultimate-memes-megathread 

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/fun-with-chess/my-online-chess-rating-59795420 

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/chess-openings/rasputin-opening-classical-variation-and-the-johnathan-response 

 

marqumax
KeSetoKaiba wrote:

This is a personal thing @marqumax and the "solution" requires a bit of introspection to find. If anything, recognizing your lack of motivation displays maturity.

You must discover new motivations to fuel your chess journey, or simply decide to cut back on how much you invest into chess; this isn't necessarily a bad thing. One can move onto other ambitions (non-chess) and still not "quit" chess entirely (and even if you did, that might be okay too). I'm not trying to convince you into "quitting" chess because the game has a lot it can offer, yet what I am hoping to make clear is that you are human and humans adapt over time. Your emotions and ambitions are different today than they were when you began your chess journey and they may or may not be different even tomorrow! There is nothing wrong with staying in touch with these emotions and adjusting accordingly. If you do decide to take a break from chess, the chess community should always be there if/when you choose to return, so do what you feel is right for you. 

If you still aren't sure about "quitting" chess, then here are some possible ideas which might indirectly motivate you:

- Try playing unrated games if you mostly play rated, or vice-versa

- Go over games of titled players and annotated games; sometimes you can still appreciate chess and get motivated for your own game when you are going through a game "like a story" and there is no pressure on you to find the best moves or survive time pressure

- Play variants; FischerRandom is a small change from standard chess, but what about vastly different games chess-related such as Horde, Racing Kings, or XL Chess. I treat variants as entirely different board games which merely resemble chess in some ways, but sometimes just mixing things up like this can keep you creative and indirectly spark more motivation for standard chess in the future

- Play different time controls. If you mainly play chess.com Rapid, then try playing Bullet or Blitz. If you play Bullet/Blitz, then try Rapid. Just changing time control can feel really different sometimes

- Ditch routine; sometimes it isn't chess which is wearing away your motivation to play, but it is the routine of having to solve tactics puzzles daily or having to constantly analyze games. There might be a lot of recharging through mixing up these habits temporarily, so that you may find ways to enjoy the game of chess without the "work" elements. This might look like not "playing" chess at all, or attempting puzzles, but still watching chess YouTube videos or reading a new chess book

Those are just "some" of my thoughts on what you could experiment with, yet ultimately the decision is yours @marqumax

Maybe some of these chess.com blog/forums might also motivate you in some way:

https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/dropped-more-chess-rating 

https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/today-is-the-day-2000-rapid 

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/ultimate-memes-megathread 

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/fun-with-chess/my-online-chess-rating-59795420 

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/chess-openings/rasputin-opening-classical-variation-and-the-johnathan-response 

 

Thank you so much for your response. I'll think about it

tygxc

@1
"I’ve been stagnating at 1900 FIDE for 9 months."
++ Maybe that is as far as you can get, maybe you can get higher.
Key is to analyse your lost games. Identify your weaknesses and then try to remedy those.

"Even if I commit a lot of time and effort"
++ It is not the quantity but also the quality of what you so or do not do.

"How much do you think I can improve as an 18 year old?"
++ Maybe 2200 is possible.

"I’m not having any more fun playing chess."
++ That is a serious problem. If you have no fun playing, then why play at all.

IsraeliGal

you're playing for the wrong reasons.

If you're only goal for a hobby is to always be improving, you will quickly get sick and tired of the hobby, and you'll just lose motivation to partake in said hobby.

Look everyone already knows how you mainly improve at chess. that is to play, study opening theory, and analyse your games, read chess books, and throw in some puzzles as well. 

I only play chess, I don't care about improving, yet i've seen progress for the decade or longer i've been playing chess, because I focus on enjoying the game, and learning what im doing wrong in each game and moving on.

If your focus is rating, or improvement, for a HOBBY, you will never enjoy the hobby for long. Let's be honest you will never reach the top eschelon of chess players, you will never be a 2600+ rated grandmaster etc, so don't act like someone who's at that level. You're 18 years old, and you're like 1800-1900 fide as you said. Your chance to make chess a career or become a top player has already past. If that was your goal you needed to be the fide rating you are now back when you were like 6-7 years old.

 

Just play chess, enjoy keeping your mind active, and you will naturally improve.

sndeww

What I do is I need to find a reason to enjoy the game. Sometimes, I skim over some grandmaster games. I especially love the long positional ones. Recently, what I did was watch gotham's recap of engine chess. Wow! Those are some games. They keep me playing.

sndeww
NervesofButter wrote:
B1ZMARK wrote:

What I do is I need to find a reason to enjoy the game. Sometimes, I skim over some grandmaster games. I especially love the long positional ones. Recently, what I did was watch gotham's recap of engine chess. Wow! Those are some games. They keep me playing.

You either have a passion for something or you don't.  You cannot force or stoke that fire.  Its either burning or its not.  And if its not that's fine.  If you still enjoy playing then play.  There is a reason 700,000,000 people play chess and roughly .02% of them are GM's.  Me personally?  I enjoy playing the occasional online game of 3/2 chess.  What i enjoy much more is getting together with friend and hanging out and playing casual chess, and even getting into some analysis.  I have seen to many people trying to force themselves to take the game more seriously than they should and it makes them miserable with them eventually leaving the game.

Yes, which is why the only thing I'm doing right now is playing games, and not studying. 

KevinSmithIdiot

Many great thoughts above. I'll add my 2 cents worth.

1. Stagnating for 9 months. Everybody hits plateaus. It's part of the process in all aspects of life as far as I've observed (undergraduate school, flying jets, graduate school, writing for publication, computer programming, cybersecurity, running, martial arts, bicycling, dating, the performance art that is marriage, dealing with kids, relatives and friends, etc.)

2. Worried you won't go much higher. Anecdote: IM Lakdawala didn't become an IM until his 40s (so he claimed in a book). I can't remember his name, but there was a Russian GM who started the game at age 27 (now that is a true anomaly, but still encouraging). What I've heard from coaches: anybody can become a master, but it requires putting in the work, and help along the way...helps. QUESTION: how do you choose to define "much higher?" Based on your rate of progression, and my conversations with IMs and occasional GMs over the last 50 years, you can become a master (just about anybody can, but the vast majority don't want to put in the serious effort and time, or focus on other parts of their life instead). Then you have to decide if NM or FM is your goal. Anything after that is a decision you should not worry about in the meantime.

3. Unstated, so here's a question: How high do you want to go in chess? Do you want to be a chess professional? I turned away from the chess professional life after high school because it didn't offer a lucrative lifestyle. Now I'm retired and can spend 50 hours a week on chess. But life as a chess pro, even in this century? Listen to people like GM Hikaru during his stream, and he'll state that unless you are a super-GM (2700+) you cannot make a comfortable living as a playing chess professional. Alternatives. Do you want to be  chess coach? In that case, I'd still suggest filling the square as a NM or FM first.

5. "If I can't improve, I'll quit." Yes, you can improve. Certainly to NM or FM level, a much harder stretch to make IM, but that's true for anyone, not just you. GM? Statistically unlikely, but it can be done. Should you quit? No. It's an itch that doesn't go away, based on my experience, and knowledge of all the friends of mine from school who still play.

7. HERE IS THE REAL PROBLEM: "not having fun any more". SOLUTION: Take a break!! Relax. Stop being too serious about chess. Switch to an opening you've never played before for a couple months, or play gambits for fun if you've never played gambits. Francis Tiafoe had to deal with the big three in tennis even though at age 16 he was identified as a phenom (in chess the identification of phenoms obviously occurs earlier). This past week he beat one of the big three at the US Open. But he has said that he didn't take things as seriously for a while, and it benefited him in the long run. Since we can play chess forever, a short break won't slow your progress, it might just reenergize you.

8. Final thoughts. Do you have a coach? Sounds like you need one to chat with. Blogs are for amateurs like me to opine. Coaches are where the coach has time to get to know you well enough to make meaningful recommendations. But first, relax for a while. And any coach would want to know how you are spending your time (openings, middle game theory, blitz/rapid/regular), endings) at the moment (i.e., the last 9 months) because that might offer hints as to why you have stalled out.

Gump_forest

Wow...u just stole my forum idea..I'm also 18 and same thing is happening with me but worse 

I hope this makes u feel better(and i literally don't care what u guys think about this)

1. Failed highschool (12th grade)..yep i didn't attend any online and even offline classes because i was just too addicted to this **** game and now i can't go to college because of it..

2. I was a very good football player (if not the best ) in my school..i prioritised fitness, gym,football,healthy eating and overall a healthy habit ...i was 136 lbs back then..now after the lockdown i just got addicted to this dumb **** and now I'm eating 8 to 10 bags of chips everyday and drinking 2 bottles of cola everyday watching some random chess videos to improve , im currently 200 lbs 

3. I fap like 12 to 15 times a day..each time i loose a game i just want some kind of pleasure to the point  i go crazy and destroy furnitures in my house ..now my room is empty because of it.. i smashed 4 phones already after started playing chess and it's my 5th one right now (i usually play on laptop but for some reason i never did anything bad to it) 

4. Extreme anger issues ...i used to be a fairly calm and tempored person before playing chess...now even I'm scared of myself and i don't know what I'm gonna do next...

5. Depression,anxiety,loneliness,panick attacks are a common thing now..i hardly have any friends now..i can hardly get outside of my house because of my extreme anxiety ...i always think about getting hit by a car or a truck when im outside....also i didn't socialise much because all i wanna do is sit at home and improve at chess as fast as possible

6. I'm barely improving after i reached 2200 in blitz and bullet.....I'm not at all motivated  by anything...I'm hardly motivated to hold my mouse straight at this point 

7. my sleeping schedule is completely messed up...i barely sleep because i wanna play chess and get better ..im just addicted to the point i can't do anything else (even sleeping is a very bothersome task that comes in the way of my chess)

8. My goal was to be a gm...i told this to kaiba and he made it public(which i didn't like) but that's ok ..i don't trust humans in any case so that's not surprising to see...so coming to the point,he didn't like the idea of me being a gm but for me it's either be a gm or die ...but seeing my very slow progress and the extreme anxiety,depression, loneliness and no support at all from anybody including my family (nobody in my family knows that I'm a good chess player ..i don't have a father but my mom usually never talks to me because my anger issues are beyond repair ..the farthest i went was she asked me something annoying about my admission and that too after loosing a blitz game and i literally smashed the entire glass window of my front entrance and it was a blood bath...people didn't bother to check because they thought it's a casual domestic violence....after that she barely talks to me)...so because of all of it i decided it's not feasible nor mentally and physically possible for me to be a gm ..and if somehow i managed to do it its not worth it because nobody cares 

 

 

Now my whole life is miserable thanks to chess...

 

So ive decided to quit this game after i reach 2300 in blitz and bullet and 2200 in rapid..

 

 

So after my life with chess ive understood 

1. Why Bobby fischer went insane 

2. Why chess is considered haram (sin) by Muslims

3. Why there are only very few people who are GMs...nobody wants to go through this while getting payed less than a worker in my house (the scary part is nobody pays u unless u win a prize money of some sort )

 

Have a beautiful day ...

There is much more to life than playing chess...i believe Jesus has a plan for me and for you all ..so im not at all worried even though im completely shattered at the moment 

 

(Also no need to respond to this ..my goal was to make marqumax feel better about himself and i hope i was succesful with that...Jesus will take care of me...u guys don't bother...on my defense to make myself feel better i have legs,arms , bed,food whereas some people don't even have that..so im really fortunate and i thank God for it happy.png

 

 

Now my plan is to build some irl friends i lost playing chess..and have alot of them..

 

If u guys find this post offensive or doesn't follow chess.com community guidelines u can report me and I'm more than happy to be banned 🚫... Getting banned from this site means one step closer to quitting chess..( although it won't be an ideal way to quit have to say)

 

 

 

 

 

KeSetoKaiba
Gump_forest wrote:

Wow...u just stole my forum idea..I'm also 18 and same thing is happening with me but worse A lot of competitive players feel demotivated for chess at times; it is just that many people only share the happy moments and accomplishments, but this creates an unrealistic facade. This is one reason I like to post some topics on chess struggles and ups and downs sometimes. Some might remember this blog post in particular:

https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/dropped-more-chess-rating 

I hope this makes u feel better(and i literally don't care what u guys think about this)

1. Failed highschool (12th grade)...Life doesn't always go as planned, but in a few years from now, the high school thing might not even matter if you don't let it become an obstacle for you. There are always summer classes etc. to graduate if you desire to, but if you do or not decide to different people go through different things. I can imagine that the emotions of failing are more impactful to you now, but they might wear off with time - especially if your future accomplishments overshadow smaller set backs like this.

2. I was a very good football player (if not the best ) in my school..i prioritised fitness, gym,football,healthy eating and overall a healthy habit ...i was 136 lbs back then..now after the lockdown...eating 8 to 10 bags of chips everyday and drinking 2 bottles of cola...Lockdown and pandemic changed the lives of many people; for some, in irreversible ways. I can't say my fitness level has changed too much during the pandemic, but eating less healthy and lacking exercise is probably more common in these times than one may think. I'm sure there are others who could relate on some level and could offer experience and advice to improving your health habits again. happy.png

4. Extreme anger issues ...i used to be a fairly calm and tempored person before playing chess...now even I'm scared of myself and i don't know what I'm gonna do next...I bunched number 3 and 4 into one response because both were similar in ending with anger responses. If you are really scared of yourself in some ways, then this is a good indicator to seek help from others; professional psychologists/counselors, social network, support groups etc. There are many other people who can help and for some they are professionally trained. Getting normal friends is nice too, but these people are seldom as well trained in offering emotional support and if might not be fair to them to dump your personal troubles on them; a lot of people mentally shut down when someone opens up personal troubles and that friend doesn't know how to respond.

5. Depression,anxiety,loneliness,panick attacks are a common thing now..i hardly have any friends now..i can hardly get outside of my house because of my extreme anxiety ...i always think about getting hit by a car or a truck when im outside....also i didn't socialise much because all i wanna do is sit at home and improve at chess as fast as possible We've private messaged on chess.com and elsewhere @Gump_forest and I'm sorry you feel as down as you sometimes do; however, try to realize that reaching an arbitrary chess goal like 2300 doesn't change your value as a person. It is better to first address your mental and emotional health before pursuing tough challenges like reaching 2300 chess rating, but however healthy way you want to proceed; best of luck friend happy.png

6. I'm barely improving after i reached 2200 in blitz and bullet.....I'm not at all motivated  by anything...I'm hardly motivated to hold my mouse straight at this point That is okay to recognize; you don't have to play chess all the time and this lack of motivation might not only be because of your personal life; it might also be your body way of telling you the effort isn't worth the rating at this point in time. Maybe in the future, priorities will change or new support systems would allow different feelings, but if you don't feel like playing chess, then you don't have to. Chess (and many other things) only become an addiction when it begins to become compulsive or negatively impact other aspects of your life.

7. my sleeping schedule is completely messed up...i barely sleep because i wanna play chess and get better ..im just addicted to the point i can't do anything else (even sleeping is a very bothersome task that comes in the way of my chess) Again, I feel bad to hear one of my friends struggling with things like this; my response for number 6 above can also apply here.

8. My goal was to be a gm...i told this to kaiba and he made it public(which i didn't like)...We've already worked it out about me posting your GM ambitions casually and already made it public that there was no ill-intent; it simply came up in casual conversation as a motivational point such as everyone has chess ambitions and look at my friend @Gump_forest who loves chess so much he is considering to become a titled player! Back then, there was still a love in your chess game...I'm virtually certain that love for chess has since dwindled away and now you feel like I was pressuring you to go through with the goal of becoming a GM. It isn't like that at all! 

That GM ambition of yours was also before you had your first big FIDE OTB chess experience and realized you didn't like the lifestyle of a GM; that is good that you looked into something, realized it wasn't for you and changed ambitions. People are free to alter their goals and what they want to work towards. 

so because of all of it i decided it's not feasible nor mentally and physically possible for me to be a gm ..and if somehow i managed to do it its not worth it because nobody cares

This is because becoming a GM (or any other person ambitions chess or non-chess related) is about your own desires and pursuing things to become a better version of yourself. If certain ambitions are no longer appealing to you, then it is better to adjust; it is sometimes easy to get so focused on the goal that you aren't keeping stock of why that goal is still desirable (or not), I just hope you get your love of chess back one day and if you create new ambitions for your chess, that is cool too happy.png

These new ambitions need emotional connection though; trying to become a titled player (like a GM) means nothing if you give up your spirit and love of the game in the process; that is arguably what happened to Fischer and it could happen to many others too if they don't have their internal motivations in mind.

Now my whole life is miserable thanks to chess...

I respectfully disagree; chess just happens to be what has triggered these emotions for you and turned you into this mental state. However, it isn't the chess game per se, it just so happens that ANYTHING which requires this much work and this much effort and this much challenge can drive people to the brink like you are experienced with chess. It doesn't make chess inherently a bad game; it just means that humans are emotional beings and with anything as time consuming and mentally investing (like chess) we must be careful to not let it control other aspects of our lives negatively. Keeping something like chess as a hobby is fine, but then it needs to remain in the "hobby" category and not interfere negatively with other elements of your personal life. Same thing if someone else wanted to make a career through chess, that is also okay as long as they keep the game in the perspective of "career/work" and don't let it impact other parts of their life negatively. 

Losing sleep over chess, altering eating habits negatively, or loneliness indirectly caused from playing chess are just some examples that chess has become addicting for you right now and harming your personal life. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for this exact instant, it just means that this must be realized and lifestyle re-evaluated so that something (like chess) doesn't become as dominant as it has. There is a lot of be said for some balance and moderation in many things in life.

So ive decided to quit this game after i reach 2300 in blitz and bullet and 2200 in rapid..It is a personal decision and I respect this, but also don't get obsessively in seeking a rating just to "get relief" and feel "accomplished" (freeing you to quit). Use introspection to realize that you are a great human being @Gump_forest happy.png You may not feel like this all the time, but God values you and you should value yourself too happy.png I don't want you to feel like you need to "prove" anything by reaching 2300 or that you must reach that rating before you quit chess; if your life is impacted too much (negatively) by chess and you still aren't 2300, then address your health! You are much more important than a number and pausing chess to work on yourself don't mean you failed or quit chess, it just means that you can re-evaluate and come back to chess possibly in the future.

So after my life with chess ive understood 

1. Why Bobby fischer went insane Fischer also had political pressure in supporting his country during the Cold War and other high tensions which made the pressure of his play even more severe. It is easy to see how anyone could be driven to a bad mental/emotional place if this continues unchecked. However, it wasn't chess itself as a game which drove Fischer to what he ended up as; it was all of the surrounding elements and pressure of the game which did. It was the pressure to compete at such a high level without rest, it was the pressure to study every nuance to give any advantage he could get in upcoming games and it was the pressure to succeed when others looked up to him for inspiration (such as other chess players in the USA when Fischer was the role model of many).

2. Why chess is considered haram (sin) by Muslims Chess is NOT sin. Chess is simply a board game which can challenge us to a high competitive degree and this competition and pressure to improve can become dominant in life if the person isn't careful. This is not only for chess though, there are "work-a-holics" who work themselves too much. Is working sinful? (it isn't) There are people who experience burnout from helping charities too much without checking in on themselves enough. Is being charitable sinful (it isn't). In the same way, chess isn't sin. Becoming addicted to something which takes over your own life in a negative way and controls the person might lead to sin, but the key is "negatively" and the lack of control the person has - not the activity itself.

3. Why there are only very few people who are GMs...nobody wants to go through this while getting payed less than a worker in my house (the scary part is nobody pays u unless u win a prize money of some sort )

True and to make things worse, chess doesn't even pay well enough for most to make a career on solely; this is why so many titled chess players must supplement their income by writing chess books, giving chess coaching, or giving lectures. Unless you are like top 100 in the world at chess, you aren't likely making enough on the game to consider to a profitable "full-time job."

Have a beautiful day ...You too @Gump_forest happy.png 

There is much more to life than playing chess...i believe Jesus has a plan for me and for you all ..so im not at all worried even though im completely shattered at the moment 

As a Christian, that trust in God is invaluable; I am glad that even if you don't see the short-term light at the end of the tunnel, you know that God is perfect, has a plan for you and God knows what he has in store long-term for you. We don't have to see as far as God if we trust him and his plans for us.

(Also no need to respond to this ..my goal was to make marqumax feel better about himself and i hope i was succesful with that...Jesus will take care of me...u guys don't bother...on my defense to make myself feel better i have legs,arms , bed,food whereas some people don't even have that..so im really fortunate and i thank God for it

This might comfort @marqumax into realizing he isn't alone in lacking motivation for chess right now, but I'm sure writing all of this yourself @Gump_forest also helps you in some cathartic way or in some journaling way. It can make us feel a lot better when we talk about things with others (even if just writing messages like this, it can feel like a weight off your shoulders). Just be careful about how much you share with other people; it isn't good to open up too much to people do don't consent to hearing it. This is probably okay because it is a long post and people not wanting to read it probably won't go through the entire thing, but I hope everyone works through their chess journey and takes them to successful, happy and valued places happy.png

Now my plan is to build some irl friends i lost playing chess..and have alot of them..

Sounds like a plan and something non-chess which you could work towards. Just don't fall into the trap of collecting friends like chess players try to collect rating; they are just numbers. In the case of friendships, I prefer to have quality connections with people than quantity. As long as you don't force standards upon yourself (like making a certain number of friends as a goal because not everyone personality is a good friend to everyone else), then making friends can be helpful and of comfort at times happy.png

If u guys find this post offensive or doesn't follow chess.com community guidelines u can report me and I'm more than happy to be banned 🚫... Getting banned from this site means one step closer to quitting chess..( although it won't be an ideal way to quit have to say) As I said before, there is probably a cathartic "cleansing of emotions" as well as introspection which might be useful and sharing things to others (like writing or talking) can do this and make you feel liberated at times. I still recommend professional help when it comes to sorting out issues of violence or addiction though; these are complex issues which most 'normal' friends aren't qualified to help with and you don't want to make them feel helpless in trying to help you. 

If you've tried professional psychologists/counselors etc. before but didn't feel a comfortable connection with them, then look for another. It is a process to find someone you are comfortable connecting with and sharing your thoughts to, but if you do find qualified people to help then it can be eye-opening to what you must do to work on getting back to better places mentally and emotionally. 

Hope my "essay-length" responses resonate with you on at least some level happy.png

(My responses above in bold as usual)

chaotikitat

Dang keseto be dropping essays, not bars happy.png 

i guess if you really only cared for progress trying to follow some of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eW6Eagr9XA could guide your studying a bit better 

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