Someone please tell me man, people always tell me I;m too good on the board but I absolutely suck online, because I keep giving up pieces and making exceptionally bad blunders that I would never do on the board. What is happening?

Who do you play over the board? Your friends?   Most of them probably don't care as much about chess as you do, so your skill level stands out.

Your ratings here are not so bad.  They just feel bad compared with some of the players you find here.

You haven't played much recently here.  You may be out of practice.

I see all your games recently were unrated. There's no point in playing unrated to protect your rating.  First off, you have no idea what the real ratings are of the people you are playing, so you don't know if you should feel any accomplishment from beating someone with a "rating" that's higher than yours. Secondly, you might as well find out what your actual ratings are.  When you get there, you will start winning about the same number as you lose. 

It feels a lot better.

Always check your intended move is no blunder before you play it. That little mental discipline alone is enough to get to 1500.

Okay, that's good to know, because I do play at tournaments (not a lot) and getting at least third place over the board. But I guess online is a lot more harsh, because there are some people who have just been playing longer than I have and therefore have a higher skill level than me. So... thanks, I guess.

I never said i'm really good. I said that other people say i'm good, and I usually get maybe at least a third place in tournaments. I said I absolutely suck online anyway. Online chess is different from OTB chess, because the angle at which you perceive the board is different than when playing over the board, and other contributing factors that I'm sure you will probably look up later. Please save those types of comments for some other time and place.

Where to begin....

There's a lot of assumptions to make when putting forth some ideas about why you might have a hard time on-line, and do a lot better in person.  Lets throw some of them out there.

1.  On-line cheating.  There is massive cheating on-line, and almost zero playing in person.  (Yeah, that guy that beat you that said he was checking his email on his phone while you played, he wasn't checking his email).  I get notifications to the tune of almost every 3 Days that my rating has been adjusted cause someone I played violated the fair play policy....  AND Thats just for the people that they catch.  I'm sure there are tons more that aren't getting caught, or caught yet.  So unless you're playing someone and not noticing that their Castle took out 3 pieces on one turn while moving like a Knight, you're playing against more cheaters on-line.

2.  Board perspective.   I find the 2D, top down, birds eye view easier to deal with than the 3D Quarterback's perspective, but you may not.  IF you've played a lot of games in person, maybe its just the perspective you feel more comfortable with.

3.  Your Experience and Opponents Experience.  Unless your meeting at a large chess club with hundreds of members, people you play in person, usually play in a particular way.  I played with a group of 6 guys who thought the bishops only purpose in life was to kill the Knights.  Thats a whole other story.  Point being, Tendencies and Familiarity.  People you play on-line, you wont have a sense for their style, and be familiar with their preferences and game play.  They may also play a lot more games than the people you meet for lunch.

4.  Fast Hands and pre-moves.  I've lost so many games to people who simply move faster at the end.  They aren't trying to do anything but waste your clock because they 3 disconnected blocked pawns but you've got 10 seconds left.  Now you're playing the Video Gamers and not just Chess players.  Those years smashing the A button on their NES system are now paying additional dividends. 

5.  You Tube.  Stop listening to Duran Duran while you play.  Some of their songs are too relaxing and it wont put you in the right mindset to go to war and win.  Try Danger Zone from Top Gun or anything upbeat from Game of Thrones, like the theme song or Astapor.

check the setting that makes you approve all moves so you can recheck to see if you're making any blunders before they happen, this should help you out bro 

For chess music definitely Heilung or Wardruna.

The Game of Thrones suggestion was also interesting:

And who are you, the proud lord said
That I must bow so low?
Only a cat of a different coat
That's all the truth I know
In a coat of gold or a coat of red
A lion still has claws
And mine are long and sharp, my lord
As long and sharp as yours
And so he spoke, and so he spoke
That lord of Castamere
But now the rains weep o'er his hall
With no one there to hear
Yes, now the rains weep o'er his hall
And not a soul to hear
And so he spoke, and so he spoke
That lord of Castamere
But now the rains weep o'er his hall
With no one there to hear
Yes, now the rains weep o'er his hall
And not a soul to hear

You are mistaken. Here is the record of Chess.com action in September:

Fair Play & Sportsmanship

• 19,293 accounts closed for fair play (including 9 titled players).
• 1,105,648 abuse reports were received.
• 54,814 mute actions were taken.
• 46,217 individual accounts muted.
• 33,457 accounts closed for abuse.

19,293 accounts were closed for Fair Play.  That is not "doing nothing". 

They also review hundreds of millions of games every month.  The last month they reported those statistics, they reviewed 295 million games and 10 million accounts.     

sounds like a skill issue

I have the same predicament. According to the Alaskan Snowflake League, I am an outstanding player. But over the online board, I suck. Anyone know a fix?