Why Can Chess Feel So Personal and Painful to Lose At?

heehee!

I had a CC game recently for a team match in which I played well, and so did my opponent. Transitioning into the endgame, I sacrificed the exchange, and eventually my opponent had to give it back, with interest. I then whittled down his defenses into a won KRP v KR (lucena) ending. About 2 moves before reaching the actual Lucena position, but past the point where he could set up a Philidor, I blundered a simple skewer, losing my rook, and the game. I kicked myself for a minute, but after that, oh well--he did well to play on and catch my mistake. No problem for me, it happens.

At the last tournament I was at, I was playing terribly, and in game 4 (with 0.5/3), I made some stupid moves and got myself all tangled up. I was more enraged than depressed at that point and decided that yeah, I may lose, but pieces are gonna fly first. So I went for the ridiculous line that I couldn't read out. I ended up winning that game, but my point is that the more personal the game, the more it hurts to lose. I put effort and time into my CC games, but the tournament games are more of an investment, both monetarily and emotionally.

Different reasons to get angry.  Sometimes it's the element of being surprised or outsmarted, particularly when you thought you'd win.  Or you blunder a game you have a strong lead at and an 'inferior' player beats you.

Those are the times where, from the anonymity of my computer, I hurl ad hominem invectives at my assailant (silently, to myself, not via chat).

People are generally frustrated when results don't match expectations.

Or sometimes too much losing when my mind isn't working as well makes me wonder if the decline represents a permanent shift, which is upsetting, or I backslide so many points I know I'll have a lot of work to regain my peak or surpass it, if lucky.  

Face it. It's our pride at stake. We commit time and invest our emotions in the endeavor. It's combat with only our own intelligence and vision at play. If we didn't care about the outcomes we wouldn't be here. The more we care, the more it hurts to lose. Failure is difficult to swallow. The pain is actually a sign of a healthy ego. I'm guessing the best players suffer greatly along their path to the top. They probably care the most. Hence, the greater pain.

jcraig9218 wrote:" The pain is actually a sign of a healthy ego. I'm guessing the best players suffer greatly along their path to the top. They probably care the most. Hence, the greater pain."

I like it :)

Ego isn't healthy in any form.

One of the synonyms of ego is "self-esteem".

Pain is relative. It's not like the result of mistakes in auto racing, bull fighting, or mountain climbing.

Self esteem can be a dangerous illusion.

Conejiux, ego and self esteem are just terms used to identify a psychological phenomenon. They're neutral, without positive or negative connotations. You're referring to the negative aspects, probably better labeled self centeredness, selfishness, arrogance, self importance, etc. In those respects, you are absolutely correct. Chill, dude.

When I make a stupid move I get mad at myself! But I know that some people get really angry when they lose a game. I once played against a man in Washington Square Park some time ago in which I closed up the board and slowly crushed him to death. He had fewer and fewer moves that he could make as time went on and he madder and madder. I had never seen this man before, he just sat down at my table and asked for a game so I obliged him, and I was afraid he was going to attack me, especially at the end when I mated him. Fortuneately we didn't come to blows. Bobby Fischer once said he didn't just want to win, he wanted to crush a man's soul! 

There's no one size fits all answer here. One of my pals told me in all seriousness each game should be treated as a matter of life and death. Other than that, he seemed pretty normal. 

Some chessplayers equate chess with intelligence, so maybe they think that when they lose it's a sign of mental inferiority to whoever beat them. And it's a win-lose game, so if you win, I lose. It's not always a feel good situation for people who take the game too seriously and aren't even close to being a master, much less an IM or GM.

IMHO chess players with low self-esteem, or who lack one or more of the following such as a family, job, career or any other hobbies or interests to help take their minds off of chess occasionally have a higher percentage of "sore losers" than the chess population in general and when I say "sore loser" that also includes a (thankfully) small percentage of players who, when they are not in a good mood or forgot to take their meds either: storm out of the room, scream and curse  or go from manic to depressive in a matter of seconds after being mated or losing their Queen. 

OR maybe it's just my karma and I've known many more wacko chessplayers than your average woodpusher because I'm being punished for my past chess sins - my past sins that is. Did I say chess sins?

Nobody likes to be #2. Nobody likes losing. I don't know about being personal. I don't even remember my opponent name, let alone his face. But painful, yes. Why? I am not a psychologist.

The pain stays for awhile, then slowly goes away as I find winning track. But if I am reminded or remember it, the pain surfaces. Then it goes away.

When the pain surfaces, I make some coffee, and watch funny cartoons. Or do some exercise. Not to cure the pain, cause I know it's incurable, but just help me forget about it.

When I forget, the pain goes away with my lost memory. Nobody wants to remember some painful experience. It's not good for health, conscience and common sense. It will cause imbalances in life.

Everybody wants to be cheerful and smile. So wake up and smile again. Que sera sera.

it really hurts when beaten by an inferior opponent...but like a professional sportsmen just move on to the next game, the next tourney

if losing a game of chess hurts...then, like falling off a horse they say it is best to get back into the saddle as soon as possible...so as quickly as possible, lose another game of chess...but to a higher rated player!

OOOOOOOMMMMMMM...

OOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGG...

It is because there is no luck involved in chess. When you sit down at the board across from your opponent, both of you know about this absence of luck. It is a Battle! A battle of wits, and creativity, and strategy. And if you lose, you have nobody to blame but yourself. That is why it can sting. Few people derive pleasure from the knowledge that somebody just plain played better than they did.