How do you become a chess.com staff person? And what happens when you are one?

How do you become a chess.com staff person, and what is the advantage of becoming one?

            The audition is brutal. You have to recite Shakespear, in the nude   The FBI does a Security Clearance on your background to ensure your great great grandfather WASN'T a horse thief. After the interview, Erik works you to DEATH. To get to work, you have to travel up-hill, BOTH WAYS!  I knew a staff member once.   ONLY ONCE  Oh yeah, you get paid; food stamps and cold hot-dogs. Everything looks pretty Rosie when your on the outside looking in. After 20 yrs, you'll be seeing a therapist on the hour, every hour. And you'll be taking as much medication as there are threads. You'll stand a better chance of selling American flags in Afganistan. When you get hired your one sex, and when you give Erik your 2 week notice, your another gender. There are side effects ya know. The nightmares start after 2 years. Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough because you need a prescription to become staff.The advantage of becoming one is, you can tell COTE to screw off anytime you want to

                   Once I tried to call staff to complain about something. This is the message they gave me  

Sorry, no staff for you unless you're a licensed wizard.

step 1 - don't ask. anyone who asks is automatically rejected. 

step 2 - we ask you. 

step 3 - you become amazing. 

You forgot step 4.
Step 4: You get to troll anyone you feel like.

Step 5: Troll people asking for a job instantly

yes, yes. i forgot those also. 

Step 6: troll troll, troll troll. troll. 

                 I sapose I should be serious for a sec and try to answer the OP's question...?    You need 2 things;  PEOPLE SKILLS,  and  COMPUTER SKILLS.  If you posess either of those 2 skills (which I don't)  send a private message to any Staff member. I'm sure they will be MORE than willing to talk to you about it. Even ERIK, (but don't tell him I said so; I'm already on triple secret probation)   Look for Calamodin, Jac1yn, Kohai, Kansha, Crystal Moon, Blackeene, ....??   I know I'm leaving out half the team, but its not my job to refer business to them. Its my job to IRITATE THEM

and what if you are already amazing?

I want the position of president, nor.... better, Executive Vice President

                      I HATE it when he sneaks up on me like THAT

no no, seriously don't do that. like i said, we reject anyone who asks to be staff. 

              OUCH!     NOW I'm confused    Calamodin ask me to be more respectful today,  and now Erik says.....??          WHERE'S MY THERAPIST??

Rule 7 in action:  Deny any real actions and things to come.

Rule 8 in action:  When in not in want of staffers, just pretend that someone is wanted and look for the one who doesn't care at all, but still is qualified.  Then say that staffed position has been filled.  When all people forget about the position, go to that person who didn't care but was still qualified and offer them a job.

Pdela should be high ranking staff. Then you have three amazing staff members ... Erik, Jac1yn and pdela.

lovely

pdela could be in charge of taking out the trash. It's a big responsibility but I feel, with patient coaching, he may be up to the task.

He'd still f**k it up.

Perfect!  You get to have Erik as the owner, Jac1yn as the mod, and pdela as the janitor.