Ronaldo puzzle! Computers can't solve it!!!

This puzzle was composed by Cristiano Ronaldo! Computers can't solve it! White to play and win.

 Well, please, quit posting such nonsense. No matter where pawns move, this is easy win for black.

Who the f*** is Cristiano Ronaldo?

This is a one mover! You obviously have no skillz!!!

2000€, 5000€ or 10000€?

Standard chess rules, of course. What is your bet?

Your move!

You're on! Just grab the black king and wait for the whistle! Let's go!!!

Kd3

kf3

No dribbling!!!

White king kicks pawn with the instep e3-e4-e5-d6-c7-b8. The black king goes Kd7 and topples on its side towards c7 but there is too much pace on the pawn. 1-0. The white king then moves Kd2-Kc2-Kb2 with a final jump Ka1, arms and legs outstretched and pouting.

1. Kf3 h5 2. Kf4 Ke6 3. Ke4 h4 4. Kf3 b55. Ke4 h3 6. Kf3 b4 7. Kg3 b3 8. Kxh3 Ke5

9. Kg2 b2 10. Kf3 b1=Q 11. Ke2 Ke4 12. Kf2Qh1 13. Kg3 Qe1+ 14. Kg2 Kxe3 

15. Kh2 Kf416. Kg2 Qe2+ 17. Kh3 Qc2 18. Kh4 Qh7#

what engine said lol, it's mate in 18

Starngemover said: "The white king then moves Kd2-Kc2-Kb2 with a final jump Ka1, arms and legs outstretched and pouting."

Ah ah ah! Nice touch! 

You got it, buddy!!!

So ...

1. ?

Damn, dude, use standard chess rules!

I am still waiting for your correct solution.

Um, this puzzle is somewhat... *cough* stupid *cough* *cough* Black wins easily

Easy, it's like this

d4, c5 (yes the pawn moves twice, because it's faster) Kd7 d6 (because there's a spin on it) Kc7 (can't stop his momentum) e7 f8 gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal

By my count, only one person in this thread got the joke. That's sad. I'm an American, we hate soccer (sorry, football) and I got it.

edit: OK, 2 people got it.

Where's the other piece? You can't fool the Petester !

I got it too, but I don't accept such "fun". The sad thing is that unlike e.g. the famous Petroff's puzzle, this mere joke has absolutely zero chess value. So embarrassing for the poster, he showed no skills.

And instead of humble confession and deleting it, or at least some effort to make it work, he/she continued trolling first and then disappeared.

Mate in 18 for white. White wins.