If you were a blank you would be a blank.

These roasts are fun.

Example: If you were a crayon you would be misshapen.

If you were a gambit you would be refuted.

If you were a crayon you would be eaten.

If you were a milk you would be in cardboard.

If you were a Jack Roach you would be a 1300 chessplayer

you're not being fair to 1300 players they're actually not bad

there are always outliers. 

I appreciate a 2200-2300 saying that.

At least I'm higher rated than the Happy Hoppi Horsie.

If you were an opening you would be the Barnes defense.

Well that was fun for the 16 minutes it wasn't dead XD

You are neither a crayon nor a gambit. You are a pawn. You are a tool. You are a drone. You are a fool. You are a rolling ball of goo.

If you were a thread, you would be revived.

If you were Jack than you would be Roach.